It's been 3 weeks since I had surgery and although I physically have challenges with my new body I feel a whole lot better than I have in months. The removal of my lymph nodes has limited my range of motion to my left arm. I can't lift my arm very high, if the arm is by my side. I am able to bend from the elbow, if the arm is already bent. Do to the lack of the range of motion and the weakness of my arm I have added a new member to my team Jeremy, my physical therapist. A new journey within my journey.
While recovering I had an appointment with the radiation oncologist who has a plan for moving forward I could sense the lack of complete confidence in her voice. It was the first time during an appointment I was discouraged. I left the office defeated. On top of that I had developed an infection. What was supposed to be a day filled with joy had turned into a day of blah! We had also learned that my hubby's cousin was diagnosed with brain cancer. Could this day possibly get worst? Our day started at 8 am and it was now 530 pm. While listening to my husband encourage family, I stared out the window. As the tears began to form in my eyes there it was, a rainbow.
You see throughout my journey whenever I received bad news I saw a rainbow. That day was no different. I see the rainbow as a sign of hope. God speaks to us in different ways. This was Him speaking to me again, reminding me that He is in control and that I will be just fine. My spirit was at peace. I felt better.
Friday morning I received a call from my surgeon. She wants to go back in and take more of my chest wall. She schedules an appointment for Monday. Well there goes my confidence yet again. This time during the appointment I can't contain the tears. I cry. I prefer to appear strong in front of others because I don't like upsetting people. This moment I thought of only myself. As my surgeon explained why she and my other doctors thought this approach was best, I let the tears fall.
Every time I feel we take a step forward there seems to be a step back. As we leave the doctor and travel back to Austin I remember that on Friday when driving to Houston there was another rainbow. This time I was honored to see both ends of the rainbow.
In Genesis 9, the rainbow is the sign of a covenant between God and man. God's covenant was a promise that He would never destroy the world by water ever again. The rainbow reminds us that He is a God that can not lie. When I started this journey the Lord said that I would live. The rainbow for me reminds me that He will do just what He said.
So as I contemplate surgery once again I may be unsure of what I'll do. However, I'm not concerned with whether this is a life or death situation. "The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it more abundantly. " (John 10:10)
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5 comments:
Stay strong Markell! God is just THAT faithful that he continues to remind you of his promise. You are in my prayers daily! Great testimony!
Incredible.
Markell! I wanted to say more but you have left me speechless!!! You are a great writer! Sending love and energy your way!
We are stronger than we know we are! Keep fighting the fight!! Many prayers going your way!
I am so amazed by your strength and positive attitude! I had horrible pregnancies leading to losing several. I asked my pastor why God would allow me to go through this pain. He said that I didn't see it now but we go through everything for a reason, even if it's for a testimony for others. Since then I have helped and encouraged others in my same position. You enlighten me and made me change my attitude at work. I know it's not the same thing, but you have helped so many people more than you know. It's ok to cry, it's ok to be vulnerable at times. One thing I can say about you, even as a younger lady, you always were positive! I pray for you even though you don't hear from me much. Know that I constantly keep you in my prayers! I love you and God is definitely with you!!!!
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