Today I got a call from my oncologist's nurse to discuss all the things that need to happen before we begin my chemo treatments. They have finally scheduled my scan, no thanks to the insurance. I am still baffled at how I've being paying for insurance for years and they have the right to deny tests that will help save my life. I think that's truly messed up. While discussing the next steps, she asks if I remembered any of the medicines I took during my Hodgkin's treatments and their doses. There is one medicine, which we know I took that if given in the right dose, lasts a lifetime.
She and I decided that she would call the hospital where I was treated and I would call my mama to see if she had any information. Mama hadn't kept any of the records. I was left thinking where else could I turn. I decided the one person who would have the answer would be my old oncologist. It has been 21 years since I've had any contact with him. I had my last radiation treatment on my 16th birthday. A year later I turned my tassel and I was off to college.
We all know that teenagers and young adults think their invincible. I didn't keep up with any of my followup appointments because I was cured. What was the point! Well fast forward 21 years and maintaining that relationship would have been the key to helping my new oncologist develop a treatment plan for me.
The internet is a girl's best friend. I Googled, clicked, and dialed a few numbers only to get the disconnection message. Just when I was about to give up, my coworker told me to try the American Medical Association. This was my last option. I brought up the website, entered his name, and there he was. I dialed quickly. Someone anwers. I asked, "Dr. Gustafson?" The voice responds, "Yes?" I asked, "Dr. G?" He responds, "Yes." "Did you work at Park Plaza and have a nurse named, Geannie?" He says yes. I had found him.
I went on to explain who I was and how I found him. He was excited to hear that I had been doing well. I couldn't contain myself. The man that had a hand is saving my life was on the other end of the phone and here I was facing treatment, yet again. I cried! These were tears of gratitude. I thanked him for saving my life. When we started treatments the cancer had taken over my neck and surrounded my heart. Thank the Lord for using this man to save my life. I asked about his family and I rushed off the phone. It was nice because before we hung up he said, "Well if you want to talk again, just give me a call."
It won't be another 20 years, I'll definitely be calling back. #anoverjoyedcookie
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
There Comes a Time
During my quiet time tonight just before I went to bed I decided to read my bible for some encouragement. As I turned to my favorite scripture there was a devotion that include the scripture as the required reading. I read the Scriptures then turned my attention back to the devotion.
The first sentence struck a cord. It read, "There are times in the lives of all God's children when we are called on to suffer." The devotion then called my attention to Romans 5:3-4, "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
The reading had confirmed for me what I knew a few weeks back when I first discovered this lump. I knew that this journey was not about me or for me. It was an experience that would help others who are struggling or know someone struggling with life.
This morning a friend texted me a simple hello. As we began to exchange texts her responses took a turn. She began to share her fears of not being here to see her children grow up. I inquired why she was feeling that way. As she began to try to explain, I asked her if it was okay to call her. With 15 minutes to spare before a meeting I rushed outside and called. She explained her situation. I began to encourage her. I told her that she had to find her inner fighter and stand up to feelings of defeat, doubt, and fear. We must approach our situations with strength and determination. Giving up and giving in is not an option.
In the midst of the conversation I had managed to encourage myself. I know people know I'm an optimist. The truth is that I get sad. I cry. I need to be picked up and dusted off. I get weak. I don't like when people tell me not to feel. People think when you're a believer your not allowed to feel down or doubt. Truth is as a believer I'm still human.
During this time when I'm called to suffer, I will continue to trust in the Lord and encourage others to do the same. Reality is sometimes this cookie is not so tough.
The first sentence struck a cord. It read, "There are times in the lives of all God's children when we are called on to suffer." The devotion then called my attention to Romans 5:3-4, "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
The reading had confirmed for me what I knew a few weeks back when I first discovered this lump. I knew that this journey was not about me or for me. It was an experience that would help others who are struggling or know someone struggling with life.
This morning a friend texted me a simple hello. As we began to exchange texts her responses took a turn. She began to share her fears of not being here to see her children grow up. I inquired why she was feeling that way. As she began to try to explain, I asked her if it was okay to call her. With 15 minutes to spare before a meeting I rushed outside and called. She explained her situation. I began to encourage her. I told her that she had to find her inner fighter and stand up to feelings of defeat, doubt, and fear. We must approach our situations with strength and determination. Giving up and giving in is not an option.
In the midst of the conversation I had managed to encourage myself. I know people know I'm an optimist. The truth is that I get sad. I cry. I need to be picked up and dusted off. I get weak. I don't like when people tell me not to feel. People think when you're a believer your not allowed to feel down or doubt. Truth is as a believer I'm still human.
During this time when I'm called to suffer, I will continue to trust in the Lord and encourage others to do the same. Reality is sometimes this cookie is not so tough.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
It Takes a Village
Today as a way of celebrating my dear friend's birthday and her fight with breast cancer, I decided to reveal that I too was beginning my battle with breast cancer. I was overcome with emotion as the well wishes, prayers, and offers to help kept rolling in.
For the first time in 8 years the tables would turn for my mentee and me. She's 18 now, preparing to graduate and ready for college. We've always been supportive of each other. Our families have become families. I don't miss anything that is important to her. I spent last weekend searching for her prom shoes. It has always been my job to buy her shoes for her important milestones. I bought her shoes for her sweet sixteen, her first time attending prom as someone's date, and now her prom. The thought of missing her graduation because I might not be able to go saddened me. I had to face the music, my life will be changing. I was once the Energizer bunny, now the bunny must rest. I can't keep going and going and going.
What took me over the edge was a call from one of my princesses. She says in her sweet, angelic voice, "Hi. My mom told me about you. I wanted you to know that I called to pray with you." I was in awe. Here is another one of my sweet babies who has called to pour into me. I sat up and told her I was ready for her to pray. Dear Lord, I couldn't contain myself. It was the best prayer I've ever heard. I tried my best not to let her know I was crying. Thanks to stinking cell phones, she kept saying hello because she thought the call dropped. I had to answer. She consoled me and told me not to cry.
God allowed me to start two ministries where my friends and I got to be a part of teenage girls lives. The love that they are showing me during this time is amazing!!! I am a wreck right now!!!
It is an amazing feeling to know that I am truly loved and that my family and friends genuinely care. The purpose of me sharing my diagnosis was to share a message of hope. Like my cousin said, it's okay to be a tough cookie, but even a tough cookie needs a team. My team showed up today!
Where two or more are gathered, the Lord is in the midst. This tough cookie feels His presence. I love my teams. #teamtoughcookie #prayerworks #girlfriendunite
For the first time in 8 years the tables would turn for my mentee and me. She's 18 now, preparing to graduate and ready for college. We've always been supportive of each other. Our families have become families. I don't miss anything that is important to her. I spent last weekend searching for her prom shoes. It has always been my job to buy her shoes for her important milestones. I bought her shoes for her sweet sixteen, her first time attending prom as someone's date, and now her prom. The thought of missing her graduation because I might not be able to go saddened me. I had to face the music, my life will be changing. I was once the Energizer bunny, now the bunny must rest. I can't keep going and going and going.
What took me over the edge was a call from one of my princesses. She says in her sweet, angelic voice, "Hi. My mom told me about you. I wanted you to know that I called to pray with you." I was in awe. Here is another one of my sweet babies who has called to pour into me. I sat up and told her I was ready for her to pray. Dear Lord, I couldn't contain myself. It was the best prayer I've ever heard. I tried my best not to let her know I was crying. Thanks to stinking cell phones, she kept saying hello because she thought the call dropped. I had to answer. She consoled me and told me not to cry.
God allowed me to start two ministries where my friends and I got to be a part of teenage girls lives. The love that they are showing me during this time is amazing!!! I am a wreck right now!!!
It is an amazing feeling to know that I am truly loved and that my family and friends genuinely care. The purpose of me sharing my diagnosis was to share a message of hope. Like my cousin said, it's okay to be a tough cookie, but even a tough cookie needs a team. My team showed up today!
Where two or more are gathered, the Lord is in the midst. This tough cookie feels His presence. I love my teams. #teamtoughcookie #prayerworks #girlfriendunite
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
A Tough Cookie
Wow! A friend of mine has been trying to get me to blog for some years now. Well it only took 5 years and a major life change to catch the blogging bug. On April 15th, I received news that rocked my world for an entire day. You see I've spent most of my life as an optimistic person. As a child I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease (cancer of the lymph nodes). The cancer surrounded my heart and invaded my neck, which resulted in my neck slowing disappearing. I looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame. As we all know kids are cruel. Their secret teasing became public and I was hurt. But, I didn't let them or cancer stop me. I persevered. I kicked cancer's butt. It's been almost 21 years since I walked out of my last treatment on my 16th birthday.
April 15, 2014 started off as a normal day. I got my coffee, checked my email, and greeted my coworkers as they walked pass my office door. I had gone to the doctor two weeks prior and had several tests, which included a mammogram, ultrasound, and eventually a breast biopsy. After talking with a friend about her challenges with cystic fibrosis, I was convinced that my doctor would call me with the same diagnosis.
Midday I received a call from my oncologist, who I had only seen once 2 years ago, for what my general physician called surveillance. She wanted him to keep an eye on me since I was a cancer survivor that had not kept up with any follow ups since college. This call changed my entire day. The call was merely to schedule an appointment, but I couldn't understand why it was important for me to see the oncologist. I had not received the results from my tests. This call sent me in a tailspin. I called the imaging center where I had my biopsy. The lady who answered the phone was polite and willing to give me my results over the phone until she realized she couldn't. At this point I had a pretty good idea what the results were. I just needed somebody to tell me what it was.
I drove like a bat out of hell to the imaging office. The nurse greeted me and explained why she couldn't tell me the results. However the results had been sent to my doctor on Monday morning. Why would my doctor not call? This is major news and she dropped the ball. No one wants to tell me the truth. Maybe they thought I couldn't handle the truth. The truth was I couldn't handle the suspense.
After a couple of phone calls my doctor called me into her office. My friend and I waited. At this point I had made peace in my mind and spirit that I was strong enough to handle hearing the news and moving forward. After several hours, a few breakdowns, and me holding my doctor's hands, I found out that I have breast cancer.
The tough cookie that was born in August 1992 and tackled cancer was reborn to come face to face with cancer again. I will not be defeated. Let's get it! #byHisstripesIamhealed
April 15, 2014 started off as a normal day. I got my coffee, checked my email, and greeted my coworkers as they walked pass my office door. I had gone to the doctor two weeks prior and had several tests, which included a mammogram, ultrasound, and eventually a breast biopsy. After talking with a friend about her challenges with cystic fibrosis, I was convinced that my doctor would call me with the same diagnosis.
Midday I received a call from my oncologist, who I had only seen once 2 years ago, for what my general physician called surveillance. She wanted him to keep an eye on me since I was a cancer survivor that had not kept up with any follow ups since college. This call changed my entire day. The call was merely to schedule an appointment, but I couldn't understand why it was important for me to see the oncologist. I had not received the results from my tests. This call sent me in a tailspin. I called the imaging center where I had my biopsy. The lady who answered the phone was polite and willing to give me my results over the phone until she realized she couldn't. At this point I had a pretty good idea what the results were. I just needed somebody to tell me what it was.
I drove like a bat out of hell to the imaging office. The nurse greeted me and explained why she couldn't tell me the results. However the results had been sent to my doctor on Monday morning. Why would my doctor not call? This is major news and she dropped the ball. No one wants to tell me the truth. Maybe they thought I couldn't handle the truth. The truth was I couldn't handle the suspense.
After a couple of phone calls my doctor called me into her office. My friend and I waited. At this point I had made peace in my mind and spirit that I was strong enough to handle hearing the news and moving forward. After several hours, a few breakdowns, and me holding my doctor's hands, I found out that I have breast cancer.
The tough cookie that was born in August 1992 and tackled cancer was reborn to come face to face with cancer again. I will not be defeated. Let's get it! #byHisstripesIamhealed