I was looking forward to my doctor sharing with us the good news on the day of my 4th treatment. I even thought he would simply say, "You're healed, no more treatments for you!" He opened the report and the look on his face was not a happy expression. He informed us that this was the first time he looked at the report. In a state of shock he tells us that the tumors have grown. In my mind I was thinking this couldn't be true. Then my thoughts were overtaken by the fact that I had to stay strong for my husband and our youngest daughter. I quickly tucked my feelings into my sleeve.
The doctor decides to change his strategy. "We will move forward with surgery", he says. "Let's get that thing out." I nod and agree, still in a state of disbelief. He orders that I go forward with round 4 and that I would take a month off from chemo then proceed with surgery. I agree. We leave his office and as I head for the infusion room the tears began to form. It's challenging to receive bad news then put on a brave face in front of others to hide the hurt. I've learned to mask my feelings over time. Most often, no one can really tell when I'm hurting, upset, or feeling some kind of way. Well, my mama and my husband can.
As I sat in the infusion room and I began to share the news with my family, a few tears fell. Then I heard the bell ring. One of my fellow cancer family members had finished chemo. It was a moment to celebrate despite the news I had received. I made it through treatment and turned down for a few days. I had buried the pain for the moment.
A week passes and I'm in a better mood. Corey and I have decided that we are going into constant prayer for my healing. I had made up my mind that I would not believe the report. I've decided that I am going to continue to believe that I am healed and that God has changed the path that I had to take to make this a reality. One night after we prayed I was sitting in bed and the emotions that I thought I had buried deep within surfaced. I cried uncontrollably for an extended period of time. I couldn't turn the tears off. However, once I was done I felt better. I had purged. Tears are therapeutic. I always feel better after a good cry.
At the beginning of the next week we met with the surgeon. He discussed my options and I had an idea of what I wanted to do. He then examines me. As he ran his hand under my arm, the tumor which he couldn't feel in April was now large enough for him to feel. My heart was broken. I left his office overwhelmed and disappointed.
What do you do when the report is not good? You must take your concerns, questions, and emotions to the Lord in prayer. God will answer your prayers. He will give you the strength to endure. You must muster up enough energy to take it to Him and leave it with Him. People always say, "Let go and let God". This is easier said then done. However, when you decide to trust Him even when the report is not good that's when you'll find your peace.
Despite all that I'm going through God's has sent His Word and His chosen vessels to share the good news. I've got the peace that surpasses all understanding only because I believe His Word more than I believe the doctor's report. No tumor is too big for my God! I had in my mind the plan that I thought God would follow to lead me to my healing. When that plan ended up not working I was disappointed. When the doctor said he had a new plan, I agreed to it without hesitation. I have to believe that the Lord is working through Him to get me healed.
God had sent me a Word the day before I had to meet with the surgeon. Psalm 84:6 says, "As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools." (NIV).
When I researched Psalm 84:6, I found a sermon that gave me more insight into the verse. The sermon by Darren Rogers states that this valley also known as the Valley of Weeping is used as a thoroughfare. It's a temporary place to take you from one place to the next. He claims that there is no way around the valley that you have to travel through it. Life will always have ups and downs. It's how you decide to handle the downs that will either help you or hurt you as you deal with life's challenges.
I can't help but to look up while I'm in the valley. I know that I am not alone while I'm here. I know that God's Word says that He will never leave us, nor forsake us. It also says that when I am weak, He is strong. I know that ALL things work together for my good and for His glory. I know that I'm coming out of this victoriously. As I chatted with a beautiful church member of mine on Monday, who has taken this journey, she said to me, "Oh no honey, I don't tell people that I am a breast cancer survivor, I tell people I conquered cancer because God's Word says that we are more than conquerors."
Despite what has taken place over the past two weeks, I see myself in the near future. What do I see? I see a conqueror!!!
#atoughcookiecontinuestofight
#don'tbelievethereportbelievetheLord
#morethanaconqueror
For Darren Rogers sermon, go to: http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/04-the-valley-of-weeping-darren-rogers-sermon-on-prayer-general-132651.asp
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.
The doctor decides to change his strategy. "We will move forward with surgery", he says. "Let's get that thing out." I nod and agree, still in a state of disbelief. He orders that I go forward with round 4 and that I would take a month off from chemo then proceed with surgery. I agree. We leave his office and as I head for the infusion room the tears began to form. It's challenging to receive bad news then put on a brave face in front of others to hide the hurt. I've learned to mask my feelings over time. Most often, no one can really tell when I'm hurting, upset, or feeling some kind of way. Well, my mama and my husband can.
As I sat in the infusion room and I began to share the news with my family, a few tears fell. Then I heard the bell ring. One of my fellow cancer family members had finished chemo. It was a moment to celebrate despite the news I had received. I made it through treatment and turned down for a few days. I had buried the pain for the moment.
A week passes and I'm in a better mood. Corey and I have decided that we are going into constant prayer for my healing. I had made up my mind that I would not believe the report. I've decided that I am going to continue to believe that I am healed and that God has changed the path that I had to take to make this a reality. One night after we prayed I was sitting in bed and the emotions that I thought I had buried deep within surfaced. I cried uncontrollably for an extended period of time. I couldn't turn the tears off. However, once I was done I felt better. I had purged. Tears are therapeutic. I always feel better after a good cry.
At the beginning of the next week we met with the surgeon. He discussed my options and I had an idea of what I wanted to do. He then examines me. As he ran his hand under my arm, the tumor which he couldn't feel in April was now large enough for him to feel. My heart was broken. I left his office overwhelmed and disappointed.
What do you do when the report is not good? You must take your concerns, questions, and emotions to the Lord in prayer. God will answer your prayers. He will give you the strength to endure. You must muster up enough energy to take it to Him and leave it with Him. People always say, "Let go and let God". This is easier said then done. However, when you decide to trust Him even when the report is not good that's when you'll find your peace.
Despite all that I'm going through God's has sent His Word and His chosen vessels to share the good news. I've got the peace that surpasses all understanding only because I believe His Word more than I believe the doctor's report. No tumor is too big for my God! I had in my mind the plan that I thought God would follow to lead me to my healing. When that plan ended up not working I was disappointed. When the doctor said he had a new plan, I agreed to it without hesitation. I have to believe that the Lord is working through Him to get me healed.
God had sent me a Word the day before I had to meet with the surgeon. Psalm 84:6 says, "As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools." (NIV).
When I researched Psalm 84:6, I found a sermon that gave me more insight into the verse. The sermon by Darren Rogers states that this valley also known as the Valley of Weeping is used as a thoroughfare. It's a temporary place to take you from one place to the next. He claims that there is no way around the valley that you have to travel through it. Life will always have ups and downs. It's how you decide to handle the downs that will either help you or hurt you as you deal with life's challenges.
I can't help but to look up while I'm in the valley. I know that I am not alone while I'm here. I know that God's Word says that He will never leave us, nor forsake us. It also says that when I am weak, He is strong. I know that ALL things work together for my good and for His glory. I know that I'm coming out of this victoriously. As I chatted with a beautiful church member of mine on Monday, who has taken this journey, she said to me, "Oh no honey, I don't tell people that I am a breast cancer survivor, I tell people I conquered cancer because God's Word says that we are more than conquerors."
Despite what has taken place over the past two weeks, I see myself in the near future. What do I see? I see a conqueror!!!
#atoughcookiecontinuestofight
#don'tbelievethereportbelievetheLord
#morethanaconqueror
For Darren Rogers sermon, go to: http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/04-the-valley-of-weeping-darren-rogers-sermon-on-prayer-general-132651.asp
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.
2 comments:
Love you, Markell! Thank you so much for sharing. We are praying with you!
Faith: The most beautiful and powerful strength we can possess! And you beautiful lady, are doing just that; my prayers, support, and healing vibes continue to be with you!! Thank you for sharing your incredible and life changing journey with us all. ((Hug))
Genesis 1:29: Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.
Genesis 9:3: Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.
Daniel 1:12-17: "Please test your servants for ten days: Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. 13) Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants in accordance with what you see." 14) So he agreed to this and tested them for ten days. 15) At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. 16) So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead. 17) To these four young men God gave knowledge and understanding of all kinds of literature and learning. And Daniel could understand visions and dreams of all kinds.
Numbers 11:5: We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost--also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic.
Deuteronomy 8:8: A land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey;
;-)
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