Keeping It Real with Myself

I had been pondering on what to write for this post and one thing has stayed with me for the past 3 weeks as other topics have crossed my mind.  It wasn't until I pulled up Facebook on my phone and my sister had posted a video of brother-in-law singing a song of encouragement.  That was confirmation for me regarding what I would share with you all.

This morning I woke up READY to tackle treatment #3.  As I showered I reflected on how far the Lord has brought me and prayed that He would continue to give me the strength to recover quickly after my treatment.  After treatment #2 I had high expectations that I would quickly bounce back like I did after treatment #1.  It only took me until the following Tuesday to feel like myself.  By Tuesday after treatment #2, I still felt HORRIBLE!  On top of that I had purchased tickets for Corey and I to go to a concert.  I needed to find some energy to get out and find me something cute to wear.  If you know me, I only need a good reason to buy something new, which this would be a great reason.  Even though I didn't feel great, I pressed to hit up a store after work.  While trying on a few things, staring at myself in the mirror, the person staring back wasn't me.  I slowly fell into a state of depression.  It was evident from the clothes I selected.  Everything I picked up was dark there wasn't one piece that had color.  My family and friends know that I have never been afraid to wear anything that stood out.

I tried to collect my feeling and head to another store.  I made a quick call to my hubby, it was sure to lift my spirits because I knew he would say something that would bring about a change. As I sat in the car after arriving at my next destination, I could do nothing but cry to him about my feelings.  I didn't like feeling this way and I had hoped the next day would bring about my normal happy, positive self.

Wednesday came and I was still not feeling like myself.  My sister-friend who I shared my Tuesday experience with rearranged her schedule and met me for some retail therapy.  It was great to have her there with me.  We found something that I loved and just spending time with her lifted my spirits.  I wasn't completely out of the depression, but I could see that I a difference.

Thursday morning came and I wasn't feeling any better.  I was still feeling down.  Friends and family would call and I wouldn't pick up the phone.  After a few hours, I returned a few calls.  I admitted to my mama and a few friends that I was not in a good head space and despite praying, I didn't seem to feel like I was coming out it.

I found that in this moment that I had to keep it real with myself.  I was depressed.  Talking about it to others helped me to feel better.  Not answering the phone and isolating myself was not the answer.  What I learned is that when you have these feelings it okay to have them, it is not okay to stay in that place.  When you find yourself feeling this way I encourage you to pray and find someone to confide in.  I'm blessed to have a supportive and loving support system whom when I'm ready to talk, listens and offers up words of encouragement.

Be honest with yourself!  If you find yourself in a bad head space after doing those things, please seek professional help.  My Pastor encourages us to find a good therapist to talk to.  A good friend advised me right after Corey and I got married that if we started to have problems to not wait until  were ready to call it quits, to seek counselling right away.

The words that my brother-in-law sang this morning simply reminded me that my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ loves me.  His Word says, "You have been put to no test but such as is common to man; and God is true, who will not let any test come on you which you are not able to undergo; but he will make with the test a way out of it, so that you may be able to go through it." (I Corinthians 10:13 (BBE - Bible in Basic English Translation).

If you don't feel comfortable sharing with someone, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.

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