It's been almost a month since we learned that Plan B drugs weren't working. I'll admit that Monday, August 25th when I went in for the ultrasound I knew that something wasn't right. Unlike the previous ultrasound where I paid close attention to the screen and drew my on conclusions, I decided to lie there. Unfortunately, I could discern from the conversation between the two technicians that they saw some differences. I was not looking forward to hearing the results.
In a few days the results were in and they were not good. Like I had suspected the tumors had grown and there was a new tumor. Family and friends reached out to check on me and to find out the plan to move forward. For the first time, I shutdown. I needed time to process all that was going on. It becomes discouraging when nothing seems to be working. I've been receiving chemo since May. Of course, I'd like to see some progress. However, things seem to be getting worst. What's sad is that I'm not alone. I follow several other people's journeys who seem to be facing the same odds. Why do these things happen? Why us?
One morning I woke up to a text of pictures from my cousin who was celebrating the life of his dad, my uncle, who would have been 62 this month. I couldn't respond due to the pictures bringing back happy and sad memories. My uncle and I were diagnosed with cancer at the same time in 1992. He went through all the procedures that I would have to face before me. Despite what he was going through, he did it with a smile. The day before my procedures he would call and talk to me about what to expect. Most doctors were surprised by the strength I exhibited at 15 years old. My sweet uncle had taken the sting out of those procedures so I could face them with boldness. Unfortunately, my uncle's cancer would go into a brief remission then later claim his life. What my family didn't know is that for years I felt guilty and waited for my turn to die. I couldn't understand why God would take him and leave me. So, I lived in fear of dying until I graduated from college.
In my 20s I learned why God chose for me to live. I had been assigned to minister to his daughters. I found my purpose and life was great. Now as I'm in the midst of this journey for the second time. This time I'm not afraid of dying. I feel driven to live. But...
I have days where I question the reason for the journey and how do I honor God when I'm ready to ball up in a corner and sit there until something happens. I sometimes wonder how can I let my light shine, like my uncle, when I feel like I'm in a dark place? I don't feel like smiling or talking. I want to shut the world out and face this alone. Better yet, I don't want to do this at all.
In 1 Thessalonians 1:4, it states, "For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you." So, I know I've been chosen. What exactly does that mean and what does it require? God makes it plain, "in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers." (1 Thessalonians 1: 6-7)
The day that I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, was the day I chose to accept God's will for my life. I am to live this life to the fullest because His words says that, "I have come so that you may have life and have it in abundance. (John 10:10) I have the choice to face this thing from an optimistic or pessimistic view. I told you all before that I am driven to live. Living means looking at adversities from an optimistic view. When life deals you lemons make lemonade. To choose to live means never giving up and throwing in the towel. It means face your bad days like your good ones, it's simple, take one day at a time. Sometimes circumstance don't change overnight, know that if you get an opportunity to see another day, then there's another day for life to get better.
My uncle was and still is my guardian angel. Everything I've faced during this journey has left people amazed at how I've handled them. My uncle is still taking the sting out of things. I'm sure he's proud.
This little light of mine... Well, I let it shine as often as possible. Understand that the Lord is who illuminates my light. He's my power source. And even when I don't think it's shining it sometimes finds a way to shine.
#atoughcookiechronicles
#livinglifelikeit'sgolden
#ripunclerob
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
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Friday, September 19, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
I Promise
On this particular day, I wasn't feeling well and I was a bit overwhelmed with emotion. He had pulled me in for a bear hug and the tears began to stream. I couldn't contain myself any more. Over and over I kept saying, "I'm sorry." He was unsure of what was happening, puzzled by the apologies. I was feeling guilty about all that was taking place in our lives.
Our love journey is really a special one. I love to tell the story of how we became the Fords because the evidence of God is in the details. In February 2012, God had called home my aunt. During the week as my cousin, her son made arrangements for the funeral, I would check on him regularly just to make sure he was okay and to offer my help. While chatting one day he tells me that his homeboy asked about me. I'm thinking well this isn't a good time for ol' dude to be inquiring about my whereabouts. My cousin goes on to say that we have a lot in common and that he'd like to introduce me to him. Anyone that tried to set me up was given the disclaimer, "I'll meet this person. However, I'm not making any promises on what will come of us meeting."
So, yes of all places, I met my hubby for the first time after my aunt's funeral over BBQ. We attempted to exchange numbers, except his phone was in his car. He called me later that night, we exchanged a few words and decided we would chat the next day because he was working on his sermon. My friends knew I would never marry a preacher. I was okay maybe being a deaconess, but never a minister's wife. LOL!! I shared that with him and all he could do was laugh and offer to demote himself. LOL
The following evening we talked for hours getting to know each other. We were enjoying the conversation when out of the blue, he asked me to marry him. YUP! That's right, within 24 hours of knowing each other my husband asked me to marry him and I said YES!
Every little girl dreams of the day her prince charming will walk into her life, sweep her off her feet, and carry her into her fairy tale life. Considering the fact that I met my hubby and married late, that was my expectation. I thought the Lord would exempt us from trials and tribulations. Why? Well, I had done my part so I had thought. I worked hard for the Lord. I worked at church, at home, and in the community faithfully for years doing the "Lord's Work".
As newly weds we've been dealt several blows. Within a year and half of marriage it seems that life keeps getting harder and harder for us. What I know is that if I had married the wrong man these trying times would be that much harder. Earlier I told you that Lord was in the details, which you couldn't see because I gave you the Cliff Notes version of our love story.
Well 20 years ago you see we had met before. My hubby and I were in the wedding of the cousin that introduced us. They've been best friends since high school. What's funny is that we don't recall meeting each other. The day after our wedding, my cousin posted the pic from their wedding and there we were on opposite sides of the photo. We couldn't help but to laugh. I definitely wouldn't have given him the time of day back then. LOL!!!
Jeremiah 29:11 states, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This is Corey's favorite scripture. We know that our relationship with Christ is what helps us on those days when we feel like we're under life's thumb.
What the devil meant for evil God will turn it for our good. We find comfort in the book of Job. Job was chosen by the Lord to be tested. His wife told him to curse God and die. He was married to the wrong woman. My husband has been loving, supportive, encouraging, and there every step of the way. I knew I chose the right man when he kneeled beside the bed one night and prayed until we were convinced God had heard us. James 5:16 says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
So I dedicate this entry of my blog to my Adam, my Boaz, my Priest, Provider, Prophet, and Protector, my husband, Corey Ford. I PROMISE to be your faithful wife in sickness and health, for better and for worst, in joy and in sorrow. I PROMISE to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you as long as we both shall live". I PROMISE.
**Our wedding song, Jagged "Promise"**
#livingoutourvows
#whatGodjoinedletnooneseparate
#mark10:9
Our love journey is really a special one. I love to tell the story of how we became the Fords because the evidence of God is in the details. In February 2012, God had called home my aunt. During the week as my cousin, her son made arrangements for the funeral, I would check on him regularly just to make sure he was okay and to offer my help. While chatting one day he tells me that his homeboy asked about me. I'm thinking well this isn't a good time for ol' dude to be inquiring about my whereabouts. My cousin goes on to say that we have a lot in common and that he'd like to introduce me to him. Anyone that tried to set me up was given the disclaimer, "I'll meet this person. However, I'm not making any promises on what will come of us meeting."
So, yes of all places, I met my hubby for the first time after my aunt's funeral over BBQ. We attempted to exchange numbers, except his phone was in his car. He called me later that night, we exchanged a few words and decided we would chat the next day because he was working on his sermon. My friends knew I would never marry a preacher. I was okay maybe being a deaconess, but never a minister's wife. LOL!! I shared that with him and all he could do was laugh and offer to demote himself. LOL
The following evening we talked for hours getting to know each other. We were enjoying the conversation when out of the blue, he asked me to marry him. YUP! That's right, within 24 hours of knowing each other my husband asked me to marry him and I said YES!
Every little girl dreams of the day her prince charming will walk into her life, sweep her off her feet, and carry her into her fairy tale life. Considering the fact that I met my hubby and married late, that was my expectation. I thought the Lord would exempt us from trials and tribulations. Why? Well, I had done my part so I had thought. I worked hard for the Lord. I worked at church, at home, and in the community faithfully for years doing the "Lord's Work".
As newly weds we've been dealt several blows. Within a year and half of marriage it seems that life keeps getting harder and harder for us. What I know is that if I had married the wrong man these trying times would be that much harder. Earlier I told you that Lord was in the details, which you couldn't see because I gave you the Cliff Notes version of our love story.
Well 20 years ago you see we had met before. My hubby and I were in the wedding of the cousin that introduced us. They've been best friends since high school. What's funny is that we don't recall meeting each other. The day after our wedding, my cousin posted the pic from their wedding and there we were on opposite sides of the photo. We couldn't help but to laugh. I definitely wouldn't have given him the time of day back then. LOL!!!
Jeremiah 29:11 states, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This is Corey's favorite scripture. We know that our relationship with Christ is what helps us on those days when we feel like we're under life's thumb.
What the devil meant for evil God will turn it for our good. We find comfort in the book of Job. Job was chosen by the Lord to be tested. His wife told him to curse God and die. He was married to the wrong woman. My husband has been loving, supportive, encouraging, and there every step of the way. I knew I chose the right man when he kneeled beside the bed one night and prayed until we were convinced God had heard us. James 5:16 says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
So I dedicate this entry of my blog to my Adam, my Boaz, my Priest, Provider, Prophet, and Protector, my husband, Corey Ford. I PROMISE to be your faithful wife in sickness and health, for better and for worst, in joy and in sorrow. I PROMISE to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you as long as we both shall live". I PROMISE.
**Our wedding song, Jagged "Promise"**
#livingoutourvows
#whatGodjoinedletnooneseparate
#mark10:9
Thursday, July 31, 2014
When the Report is Not Good
Midway through the treatments the doctor wanted to see how the tumors were responding to the chemo, so he ordered an ultrasound. The day of the ultrasound, as I laid on the table, to a non-trained eye, I saw nothing. The comparison to what I saw during my first ultrasound was completely different. I left feeling optimistic and convinced that the tumors were dead. We left the ultrasound and celebrated the idea that we were on the right track.
I was looking forward to my doctor sharing with us the good news on the day of my 4th treatment. I even thought he would simply say, "You're healed, no more treatments for you!" He opened the report and the look on his face was not a happy expression. He informed us that this was the first time he looked at the report. In a state of shock he tells us that the tumors have grown. In my mind I was thinking this couldn't be true. Then my thoughts were overtaken by the fact that I had to stay strong for my husband and our youngest daughter. I quickly tucked my feelings into my sleeve.
The doctor decides to change his strategy. "We will move forward with surgery", he says. "Let's get that thing out." I nod and agree, still in a state of disbelief. He orders that I go forward with round 4 and that I would take a month off from chemo then proceed with surgery. I agree. We leave his office and as I head for the infusion room the tears began to form. It's challenging to receive bad news then put on a brave face in front of others to hide the hurt. I've learned to mask my feelings over time. Most often, no one can really tell when I'm hurting, upset, or feeling some kind of way. Well, my mama and my husband can.
As I sat in the infusion room and I began to share the news with my family, a few tears fell. Then I heard the bell ring. One of my fellow cancer family members had finished chemo. It was a moment to celebrate despite the news I had received. I made it through treatment and turned down for a few days. I had buried the pain for the moment.
A week passes and I'm in a better mood. Corey and I have decided that we are going into constant prayer for my healing. I had made up my mind that I would not believe the report. I've decided that I am going to continue to believe that I am healed and that God has changed the path that I had to take to make this a reality. One night after we prayed I was sitting in bed and the emotions that I thought I had buried deep within surfaced. I cried uncontrollably for an extended period of time. I couldn't turn the tears off. However, once I was done I felt better. I had purged. Tears are therapeutic. I always feel better after a good cry.
At the beginning of the next week we met with the surgeon. He discussed my options and I had an idea of what I wanted to do. He then examines me. As he ran his hand under my arm, the tumor which he couldn't feel in April was now large enough for him to feel. My heart was broken. I left his office overwhelmed and disappointed.
What do you do when the report is not good? You must take your concerns, questions, and emotions to the Lord in prayer. God will answer your prayers. He will give you the strength to endure. You must muster up enough energy to take it to Him and leave it with Him. People always say, "Let go and let God". This is easier said then done. However, when you decide to trust Him even when the report is not good that's when you'll find your peace.
Despite all that I'm going through God's has sent His Word and His chosen vessels to share the good news. I've got the peace that surpasses all understanding only because I believe His Word more than I believe the doctor's report. No tumor is too big for my God! I had in my mind the plan that I thought God would follow to lead me to my healing. When that plan ended up not working I was disappointed. When the doctor said he had a new plan, I agreed to it without hesitation. I have to believe that the Lord is working through Him to get me healed.
God had sent me a Word the day before I had to meet with the surgeon. Psalm 84:6 says, "As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools." (NIV).
When I researched Psalm 84:6, I found a sermon that gave me more insight into the verse. The sermon by Darren Rogers states that this valley also known as the Valley of Weeping is used as a thoroughfare. It's a temporary place to take you from one place to the next. He claims that there is no way around the valley that you have to travel through it. Life will always have ups and downs. It's how you decide to handle the downs that will either help you or hurt you as you deal with life's challenges.
I can't help but to look up while I'm in the valley. I know that I am not alone while I'm here. I know that God's Word says that He will never leave us, nor forsake us. It also says that when I am weak, He is strong. I know that ALL things work together for my good and for His glory. I know that I'm coming out of this victoriously. As I chatted with a beautiful church member of mine on Monday, who has taken this journey, she said to me, "Oh no honey, I don't tell people that I am a breast cancer survivor, I tell people I conquered cancer because God's Word says that we are more than conquerors."
Despite what has taken place over the past two weeks, I see myself in the near future. What do I see? I see a conqueror!!!
#atoughcookiecontinuestofight
#don'tbelievethereportbelievetheLord
#morethanaconqueror
For Darren Rogers sermon, go to: http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/04-the-valley-of-weeping-darren-rogers-sermon-on-prayer-general-132651.asp
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.
The doctor decides to change his strategy. "We will move forward with surgery", he says. "Let's get that thing out." I nod and agree, still in a state of disbelief. He orders that I go forward with round 4 and that I would take a month off from chemo then proceed with surgery. I agree. We leave his office and as I head for the infusion room the tears began to form. It's challenging to receive bad news then put on a brave face in front of others to hide the hurt. I've learned to mask my feelings over time. Most often, no one can really tell when I'm hurting, upset, or feeling some kind of way. Well, my mama and my husband can.
As I sat in the infusion room and I began to share the news with my family, a few tears fell. Then I heard the bell ring. One of my fellow cancer family members had finished chemo. It was a moment to celebrate despite the news I had received. I made it through treatment and turned down for a few days. I had buried the pain for the moment.
A week passes and I'm in a better mood. Corey and I have decided that we are going into constant prayer for my healing. I had made up my mind that I would not believe the report. I've decided that I am going to continue to believe that I am healed and that God has changed the path that I had to take to make this a reality. One night after we prayed I was sitting in bed and the emotions that I thought I had buried deep within surfaced. I cried uncontrollably for an extended period of time. I couldn't turn the tears off. However, once I was done I felt better. I had purged. Tears are therapeutic. I always feel better after a good cry.
At the beginning of the next week we met with the surgeon. He discussed my options and I had an idea of what I wanted to do. He then examines me. As he ran his hand under my arm, the tumor which he couldn't feel in April was now large enough for him to feel. My heart was broken. I left his office overwhelmed and disappointed.
What do you do when the report is not good? You must take your concerns, questions, and emotions to the Lord in prayer. God will answer your prayers. He will give you the strength to endure. You must muster up enough energy to take it to Him and leave it with Him. People always say, "Let go and let God". This is easier said then done. However, when you decide to trust Him even when the report is not good that's when you'll find your peace.
Despite all that I'm going through God's has sent His Word and His chosen vessels to share the good news. I've got the peace that surpasses all understanding only because I believe His Word more than I believe the doctor's report. No tumor is too big for my God! I had in my mind the plan that I thought God would follow to lead me to my healing. When that plan ended up not working I was disappointed. When the doctor said he had a new plan, I agreed to it without hesitation. I have to believe that the Lord is working through Him to get me healed.
God had sent me a Word the day before I had to meet with the surgeon. Psalm 84:6 says, "As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools." (NIV).
When I researched Psalm 84:6, I found a sermon that gave me more insight into the verse. The sermon by Darren Rogers states that this valley also known as the Valley of Weeping is used as a thoroughfare. It's a temporary place to take you from one place to the next. He claims that there is no way around the valley that you have to travel through it. Life will always have ups and downs. It's how you decide to handle the downs that will either help you or hurt you as you deal with life's challenges.
I can't help but to look up while I'm in the valley. I know that I am not alone while I'm here. I know that God's Word says that He will never leave us, nor forsake us. It also says that when I am weak, He is strong. I know that ALL things work together for my good and for His glory. I know that I'm coming out of this victoriously. As I chatted with a beautiful church member of mine on Monday, who has taken this journey, she said to me, "Oh no honey, I don't tell people that I am a breast cancer survivor, I tell people I conquered cancer because God's Word says that we are more than conquerors."
Despite what has taken place over the past two weeks, I see myself in the near future. What do I see? I see a conqueror!!!
#atoughcookiecontinuestofight
#don'tbelievethereportbelievetheLord
#morethanaconqueror
For Darren Rogers sermon, go to: http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/04-the-valley-of-weeping-darren-rogers-sermon-on-prayer-general-132651.asp
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
I'm a Survivor!
I'm convinced that I was set up on last Wednesday. I was relaxing on the couch when a Facebook alert from my phone revealed that my favorite Zumba instructor was making her class a celebration for myself and another tough cookie. I was excited! This was going to be a party y'all.
There's two things I LOVE to do, shop and dance. After deciding to truly live for Christ I gave up going to the clubs. When Zumba came along the void for dancing weekly was filled. And who could complain I was getting my groove on 4 days a week, and as a result I was looking great.
We had a Pink Party to attend! What I found interesting is that I had nothing pink in my closet. AWWWWWH! LOL! As a Junior Mission member and vice president at St James Missionary Baptist, I wore pink and green in Jesus name for several years. I guess the Lord has a since of humor. After I passed the towel to my successor I promptly scrubbed my closet. Lol!
Fast forward to last week and I had nothing to wear. I thank my beautiful sorority sisters for turning the traditionally pink breast cancer experience red for me. Ha! Anyways... After a search for the right pink shirt and an attempt at a DIY project I ended up rocking my #TeamToughCookie tank, which I LOVE!
The hubz, our youngest daughter, and I arrive and I'm in the zone. You see I'm a Z-beast. I leave it all on the floor. I had my mind made up, I'm going in here to give it my all. The party was underway when we arrived. As soon as I was spotted, the next song would be my favorite. I made it through the song. It wasn't my 100% but I gave it what I had.
A few more songs played and I strategically picked the ones that wouldn't take all my breath. Then I heard the beat. The other tough cookies' song was Survivor by Destiny's Child. I thought to myself I'm going to let this song have it. As the first verse played I was giving it my all then as the chorus started with each line we punched the air, up up, side side, down down. The second verse played and then the chorus. This time something was different. As I began to through the punches, the action of punching and the lyrics settled in my spirit.
I'm a survivor
I'm not gon' give up
I'm not gon' stop
I'm gon' work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin'
I was overcome by emotion. I ran to the bathroom which was on the other side of the studio. The song was coming through walls. The song reminded me that I'm fighting for my life. This was real. I realized that after each treatment I choose to survive! When you don't feel well, your spirit gets low, and your mind can send you on a mental roller coaster ride. Life can have you feeling some kind of way about things. I'm just keeping it real!
I managed to get myself together and head back into the studio. I enjoyed watching the class and grooved a little because my body physically wasn't able to do what I wanted. I truly enjoyed the Pink Party. I had a blast.
Later that evening my little god-sister, Danielle sent me a devotion that confirmed today's survivor experience was a set up. The devotion scripture was 2 Corinthians 12:8-9.
8 I asked the Lord three times to take it away from me. 9 He answered me, “I am all you need. I give you My loving-favor. My power works best in weak people.” I am happy to be weak and have troubles so I can have Christ’s power in me. (NLV)
This scripture says that there is power in being weak. When I feel tired, disappointed, frustrated, mad, and just plain sick of being sick God says, "I'm all you need." When I don't have the fight in me God says, "I'm all you need."
What is God's purpose for this journey? I don't truly know. What I do know is that when He speaks it's best to listen. Tonight He clearly stated that to me that during this journey, He's ALL I need and that I'm a Survivor!
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
#I'maSurvivor!
#TeamToughCookie
#AToughCookieChronicles
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.
There's two things I LOVE to do, shop and dance. After deciding to truly live for Christ I gave up going to the clubs. When Zumba came along the void for dancing weekly was filled. And who could complain I was getting my groove on 4 days a week, and as a result I was looking great.
We had a Pink Party to attend! What I found interesting is that I had nothing pink in my closet. AWWWWWH! LOL! As a Junior Mission member and vice president at St James Missionary Baptist, I wore pink and green in Jesus name for several years. I guess the Lord has a since of humor. After I passed the towel to my successor I promptly scrubbed my closet. Lol!
Fast forward to last week and I had nothing to wear. I thank my beautiful sorority sisters for turning the traditionally pink breast cancer experience red for me. Ha! Anyways... After a search for the right pink shirt and an attempt at a DIY project I ended up rocking my #TeamToughCookie tank, which I LOVE!
The hubz, our youngest daughter, and I arrive and I'm in the zone. You see I'm a Z-beast. I leave it all on the floor. I had my mind made up, I'm going in here to give it my all. The party was underway when we arrived. As soon as I was spotted, the next song would be my favorite. I made it through the song. It wasn't my 100% but I gave it what I had.
A few more songs played and I strategically picked the ones that wouldn't take all my breath. Then I heard the beat. The other tough cookies' song was Survivor by Destiny's Child. I thought to myself I'm going to let this song have it. As the first verse played I was giving it my all then as the chorus started with each line we punched the air, up up, side side, down down. The second verse played and then the chorus. This time something was different. As I began to through the punches, the action of punching and the lyrics settled in my spirit.
I'm a survivor
I'm not gon' give up
I'm not gon' stop
I'm gon' work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin'
I was overcome by emotion. I ran to the bathroom which was on the other side of the studio. The song was coming through walls. The song reminded me that I'm fighting for my life. This was real. I realized that after each treatment I choose to survive! When you don't feel well, your spirit gets low, and your mind can send you on a mental roller coaster ride. Life can have you feeling some kind of way about things. I'm just keeping it real!
I managed to get myself together and head back into the studio. I enjoyed watching the class and grooved a little because my body physically wasn't able to do what I wanted. I truly enjoyed the Pink Party. I had a blast.
Later that evening my little god-sister, Danielle sent me a devotion that confirmed today's survivor experience was a set up. The devotion scripture was 2 Corinthians 12:8-9.
8 I asked the Lord three times to take it away from me. 9 He answered me, “I am all you need. I give you My loving-favor. My power works best in weak people.” I am happy to be weak and have troubles so I can have Christ’s power in me. (NLV)
This scripture says that there is power in being weak. When I feel tired, disappointed, frustrated, mad, and just plain sick of being sick God says, "I'm all you need." When I don't have the fight in me God says, "I'm all you need."
What is God's purpose for this journey? I don't truly know. What I do know is that when He speaks it's best to listen. Tonight He clearly stated that to me that during this journey, He's ALL I need and that I'm a Survivor!
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
#I'maSurvivor!
#TeamToughCookie
#AToughCookieChronicles
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Keeping It Real with Myself
I had been pondering on what to write for this post and one thing has stayed with me for the past 3 weeks as other topics have crossed my mind. It wasn't until I pulled up Facebook on my phone and my sister had posted a video of brother-in-law singing a song of encouragement. That was confirmation for me regarding what I would share with you all.
This morning I woke up READY to tackle treatment #3. As I showered I reflected on how far the Lord has brought me and prayed that He would continue to give me the strength to recover quickly after my treatment. After treatment #2 I had high expectations that I would quickly bounce back like I did after treatment #1. It only took me until the following Tuesday to feel like myself. By Tuesday after treatment #2, I still felt HORRIBLE! On top of that I had purchased tickets for Corey and I to go to a concert. I needed to find some energy to get out and find me something cute to wear. If you know me, I only need a good reason to buy something new, which this would be a great reason. Even though I didn't feel great, I pressed to hit up a store after work. While trying on a few things, staring at myself in the mirror, the person staring back wasn't me. I slowly fell into a state of depression. It was evident from the clothes I selected. Everything I picked up was dark there wasn't one piece that had color. My family and friends know that I have never been afraid to wear anything that stood out.
I tried to collect my feeling and head to another store. I made a quick call to my hubby, it was sure to lift my spirits because I knew he would say something that would bring about a change. As I sat in the car after arriving at my next destination, I could do nothing but cry to him about my feelings. I didn't like feeling this way and I had hoped the next day would bring about my normal happy, positive self.
Wednesday came and I was still not feeling like myself. My sister-friend who I shared my Tuesday experience with rearranged her schedule and met me for some retail therapy. It was great to have her there with me. We found something that I loved and just spending time with her lifted my spirits. I wasn't completely out of the depression, but I could see that I a difference.
Thursday morning came and I wasn't feeling any better. I was still feeling down. Friends and family would call and I wouldn't pick up the phone. After a few hours, I returned a few calls. I admitted to my mama and a few friends that I was not in a good head space and despite praying, I didn't seem to feel like I was coming out it.
I found that in this moment that I had to keep it real with myself. I was depressed. Talking about it to others helped me to feel better. Not answering the phone and isolating myself was not the answer. What I learned is that when you have these feelings it okay to have them, it is not okay to stay in that place. When you find yourself feeling this way I encourage you to pray and find someone to confide in. I'm blessed to have a supportive and loving support system whom when I'm ready to talk, listens and offers up words of encouragement.
Be honest with yourself! If you find yourself in a bad head space after doing those things, please seek professional help. My Pastor encourages us to find a good therapist to talk to. A good friend advised me right after Corey and I got married that if we started to have problems to not wait until were ready to call it quits, to seek counselling right away.
The words that my brother-in-law sang this morning simply reminded me that my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ loves me. His Word says, "You have been put to no test but such as is common to man; and God is true, who will not let any test come on you which you are not able to undergo; but he will make with the test a way out of it, so that you may be able to go through it." (I Corinthians 10:13 (BBE - Bible in Basic English Translation).
If you don't feel comfortable sharing with someone, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
#Keepit100!
#TeamToughCookie
#AToughCookieChronicles
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This morning I woke up READY to tackle treatment #3. As I showered I reflected on how far the Lord has brought me and prayed that He would continue to give me the strength to recover quickly after my treatment. After treatment #2 I had high expectations that I would quickly bounce back like I did after treatment #1. It only took me until the following Tuesday to feel like myself. By Tuesday after treatment #2, I still felt HORRIBLE! On top of that I had purchased tickets for Corey and I to go to a concert. I needed to find some energy to get out and find me something cute to wear. If you know me, I only need a good reason to buy something new, which this would be a great reason. Even though I didn't feel great, I pressed to hit up a store after work. While trying on a few things, staring at myself in the mirror, the person staring back wasn't me. I slowly fell into a state of depression. It was evident from the clothes I selected. Everything I picked up was dark there wasn't one piece that had color. My family and friends know that I have never been afraid to wear anything that stood out.
I tried to collect my feeling and head to another store. I made a quick call to my hubby, it was sure to lift my spirits because I knew he would say something that would bring about a change. As I sat in the car after arriving at my next destination, I could do nothing but cry to him about my feelings. I didn't like feeling this way and I had hoped the next day would bring about my normal happy, positive self.
Wednesday came and I was still not feeling like myself. My sister-friend who I shared my Tuesday experience with rearranged her schedule and met me for some retail therapy. It was great to have her there with me. We found something that I loved and just spending time with her lifted my spirits. I wasn't completely out of the depression, but I could see that I a difference.
Thursday morning came and I wasn't feeling any better. I was still feeling down. Friends and family would call and I wouldn't pick up the phone. After a few hours, I returned a few calls. I admitted to my mama and a few friends that I was not in a good head space and despite praying, I didn't seem to feel like I was coming out it.
I found that in this moment that I had to keep it real with myself. I was depressed. Talking about it to others helped me to feel better. Not answering the phone and isolating myself was not the answer. What I learned is that when you have these feelings it okay to have them, it is not okay to stay in that place. When you find yourself feeling this way I encourage you to pray and find someone to confide in. I'm blessed to have a supportive and loving support system whom when I'm ready to talk, listens and offers up words of encouragement.
Be honest with yourself! If you find yourself in a bad head space after doing those things, please seek professional help. My Pastor encourages us to find a good therapist to talk to. A good friend advised me right after Corey and I got married that if we started to have problems to not wait until were ready to call it quits, to seek counselling right away.
The words that my brother-in-law sang this morning simply reminded me that my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ loves me. His Word says, "You have been put to no test but such as is common to man; and God is true, who will not let any test come on you which you are not able to undergo; but he will make with the test a way out of it, so that you may be able to go through it." (I Corinthians 10:13 (BBE - Bible in Basic English Translation).
If you don't feel comfortable sharing with someone, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
#Keepit100!
#TeamToughCookie
#AToughCookieChronicles
To subscribe to the blog:
- Go to blogger.com.
- Sign in and click Add.
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Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Many Are the Plans
Many of you know that I have spent the last several years of my life ministering to teenage girls. As a teenager I found myself involved in many organizations. Without being aware until I was much older, I realized that I always ended up as a mentor to someone. After starting D.I.V.A.S at my church, St James Missionary Baptist Church, I found myself looking back over my life and reflecting on how I ended up helping girls. D.I.V.A.S. stands for Developing Into (His) Vision As Sisters, it is a mentoring program for girls. Then a few years later I started Princess in Training, Inc. (P.I.T) because I wanted to reach girls beyond our church walls.
My friends have always been supportive and have worked hard to give my ministries life. They've sacrificed their time and invested themselves wholeheartedly in the lives of every girl that participated in D.I.V.A.S or P.I.T. I am so grateful to them.
What people don't see is the amount of energy and work that goes into keeping these ministries a float. We are planning and organizing a lot of the year. The day of events are very stressful as we rise early to ensure that when our girls and parents arrive the event goes smoothly. A lot of times there are plenty of things that just don't come together smoothly, like speakers not showing up on time or cancelling the day of, which throws the schedule off and we have to adjust quickly. We have always managed to figure it out and the events are successful.
I have always struggled with taking a break from D.I.V.A.S and PIT. My body could be worn down and I'll find the energy to keep pressing. We do it for the girls. Well in this season, I struggle again with whether or not to take a break. We have put the girls before ourselves in the past. We've been planning for PIT camp this year and have most of our schedule and speakers secured, however in my spirit I feel that the Lord is leading me to put myself first this time.
One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 19:20, "Many are the plans of a man's heart, but the Lord's purpose shall prevail." I am reminded that the Lord is in control. Despite my desire and heart to press, my body is not able. The Lord says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
A beautiful woman once told me, "We never know what we're signing up for, when we say yes to God's will and His way." Had I known that cancer would be in my future again, she's right, I'd have tried to sign up for another path. However, even in this, I know that God has a plan for me. This time I get to sit back and take it all in. I won't be too busy letting life and God's work pass me by because I'm sitting still taking it in. I'm already in awe and this is just the beginning of this journey.
#laidbackkickingitenjoyingtheride
#teamtoughcookie
#atoughcookiechronicles
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My friends have always been supportive and have worked hard to give my ministries life. They've sacrificed their time and invested themselves wholeheartedly in the lives of every girl that participated in D.I.V.A.S or P.I.T. I am so grateful to them.
What people don't see is the amount of energy and work that goes into keeping these ministries a float. We are planning and organizing a lot of the year. The day of events are very stressful as we rise early to ensure that when our girls and parents arrive the event goes smoothly. A lot of times there are plenty of things that just don't come together smoothly, like speakers not showing up on time or cancelling the day of, which throws the schedule off and we have to adjust quickly. We have always managed to figure it out and the events are successful.
I have always struggled with taking a break from D.I.V.A.S and PIT. My body could be worn down and I'll find the energy to keep pressing. We do it for the girls. Well in this season, I struggle again with whether or not to take a break. We have put the girls before ourselves in the past. We've been planning for PIT camp this year and have most of our schedule and speakers secured, however in my spirit I feel that the Lord is leading me to put myself first this time.
One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 19:20, "Many are the plans of a man's heart, but the Lord's purpose shall prevail." I am reminded that the Lord is in control. Despite my desire and heart to press, my body is not able. The Lord says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
A beautiful woman once told me, "We never know what we're signing up for, when we say yes to God's will and His way." Had I known that cancer would be in my future again, she's right, I'd have tried to sign up for another path. However, even in this, I know that God has a plan for me. This time I get to sit back and take it all in. I won't be too busy letting life and God's work pass me by because I'm sitting still taking it in. I'm already in awe and this is just the beginning of this journey.
#laidbackkickingitenjoyingtheride
#teamtoughcookie
#atoughcookiechronicles
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Thursday, May 29, 2014
Count Your Blessings
My first meeting with my health coach was an enlightening and fun experience. At the end of our session she hands me a journal. She looks me in the eyes and says, "Every night I want you to write 3 blessings or list 3 things that make you smile." This was the easiest assignment ever, right? Well the first week, I did really well. I had some many things to list, picking 3 was a challenge. However as the days got busier and longer, taking the time to capture these things became less of a priority.
When I thought about what to share on this special day, I figured I'd count my blessings and name a few because again there are too many to name.
Blessing #1 - Today is my birthday!!! On this special day not only do I become a more seasoned 30-something year old, it also marks the 21st year that I have been cured from Hodgkin's Disease. Blessing #1 focuses on just being alive. There's nothing more exciting than that.
Blessing #2 - My husband, Corey is my second blessing. When I prayed for this man, I had no idea that God would deliver someone that would fit all the characteristics of the type of man I desired. He's a loving, supportive, intelligent, selfless, thoughtful, Godly man. We never thought that shortly over a year after taking our vows that our vows would be tested. In sickness and in health, for better or for worst... We've experienced almost all of those and it only makes our relationship stronger. I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else. He's the bomb dot com!
Blessing #3 - Team Tough Cookie is my third blessing. When I started this journey, I had no idea how much support I would have. I knew that I was loved. I had no idea how much I was loved. I know we are in the early stages of this fight. However, I've received so many beautiful cards, well wishes, and selfless acts of love that I couldn't possibly imagine. For that I am truly blessed. I have not had to worry about anything. Thanks to all of you who have done anything to make my journey a pleasant one.
I know I'm only supposed to list 3 blessings. However, I want to share an experience that makes today an important day. A few days after my first treatment, I was suffering from really bad indigestion, which is a side effect of the chemo. I called my nurse to find out what I could do to treat it. During our conversation, she says playfully, "Let me see, well you had your treatment last Thursday and let me check the calendar. You should lose your hair by May 29th." I said with a bit of disappointment in my voice, "Oh, that's my birthday." She tried her best to cheer me up by saying she was looking at the wrong calendar. I thought nothing could change the way I felt or cheer me up. After hanging up, I cried.
My honey was there to remind me that my journey will be different and that I serve a God that can do anything but fail. As he ministered to that broken place, I remembered one of my hubby's favorite scriptures, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) I knew she meant well. But, I also know the God we serve will give us the desires of our heart. So, I took my hubby's advice and took my petition to the Lord in prayer.
So, my fourth blessing is...
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 30:31)
#iwokeuplikethis
#teamtoughcookie
#atoughcookiechronicles
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When I thought about what to share on this special day, I figured I'd count my blessings and name a few because again there are too many to name.
Blessing #1 - Today is my birthday!!! On this special day not only do I become a more seasoned 30-something year old, it also marks the 21st year that I have been cured from Hodgkin's Disease. Blessing #1 focuses on just being alive. There's nothing more exciting than that.
Blessing #2 - My husband, Corey is my second blessing. When I prayed for this man, I had no idea that God would deliver someone that would fit all the characteristics of the type of man I desired. He's a loving, supportive, intelligent, selfless, thoughtful, Godly man. We never thought that shortly over a year after taking our vows that our vows would be tested. In sickness and in health, for better or for worst... We've experienced almost all of those and it only makes our relationship stronger. I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else. He's the bomb dot com!
Blessing #3 - Team Tough Cookie is my third blessing. When I started this journey, I had no idea how much support I would have. I knew that I was loved. I had no idea how much I was loved. I know we are in the early stages of this fight. However, I've received so many beautiful cards, well wishes, and selfless acts of love that I couldn't possibly imagine. For that I am truly blessed. I have not had to worry about anything. Thanks to all of you who have done anything to make my journey a pleasant one.
I know I'm only supposed to list 3 blessings. However, I want to share an experience that makes today an important day. A few days after my first treatment, I was suffering from really bad indigestion, which is a side effect of the chemo. I called my nurse to find out what I could do to treat it. During our conversation, she says playfully, "Let me see, well you had your treatment last Thursday and let me check the calendar. You should lose your hair by May 29th." I said with a bit of disappointment in my voice, "Oh, that's my birthday." She tried her best to cheer me up by saying she was looking at the wrong calendar. I thought nothing could change the way I felt or cheer me up. After hanging up, I cried.
My honey was there to remind me that my journey will be different and that I serve a God that can do anything but fail. As he ministered to that broken place, I remembered one of my hubby's favorite scriptures, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) I knew she meant well. But, I also know the God we serve will give us the desires of our heart. So, I took my hubby's advice and took my petition to the Lord in prayer.
So, my fourth blessing is...
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 30:31)
#iwokeuplikethis
#teamtoughcookie
#atoughcookiechronicles
To subscribe to the blog:
- Got to blogger.com
- Sign in and click Add.
- You will start to receive emails.