It's been 3 weeks since I had surgery and although I physically have challenges with my new body I feel a whole lot better than I have in months. The removal of my lymph nodes has limited my range of motion to my left arm. I can't lift my arm very high, if the arm is by my side. I am able to bend from the elbow, if the arm is already bent. Do to the lack of the range of motion and the weakness of my arm I have added a new member to my team Jeremy, my physical therapist. A new journey within my journey.
While recovering I had an appointment with the radiation oncologist who has a plan for moving forward I could sense the lack of complete confidence in her voice. It was the first time during an appointment I was discouraged. I left the office defeated. On top of that I had developed an infection. What was supposed to be a day filled with joy had turned into a day of blah! We had also learned that my hubby's cousin was diagnosed with brain cancer. Could this day possibly get worst? Our day started at 8 am and it was now 530 pm. While listening to my husband encourage family, I stared out the window. As the tears began to form in my eyes there it was, a rainbow.
You see throughout my journey whenever I received bad news I saw a rainbow. That day was no different. I see the rainbow as a sign of hope. God speaks to us in different ways. This was Him speaking to me again, reminding me that He is in control and that I will be just fine. My spirit was at peace. I felt better.
Friday morning I received a call from my surgeon. She wants to go back in and take more of my chest wall. She schedules an appointment for Monday. Well there goes my confidence yet again. This time during the appointment I can't contain the tears. I cry. I prefer to appear strong in front of others because I don't like upsetting people. This moment I thought of only myself. As my surgeon explained why she and my other doctors thought this approach was best, I let the tears fall.
Every time I feel we take a step forward there seems to be a step back. As we leave the doctor and travel back to Austin I remember that on Friday when driving to Houston there was another rainbow. This time I was honored to see both ends of the rainbow.
In Genesis 9, the rainbow is the sign of a covenant between God and man. God's covenant was a promise that He would never destroy the world by water ever again. The rainbow reminds us that He is a God that can not lie. When I started this journey the Lord said that I would live. The rainbow for me reminds me that He will do just what He said.
So as I contemplate surgery once again I may be unsure of what I'll do. However, I'm not concerned with whether this is a life or death situation. "The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it more abundantly. " (John 10:10)
#atoughcookiechronicles
#faith
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
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Monday, December 1, 2014
Thursday, November 6, 2014
The Big Chop
It's 4:42 am on November 6th. Today at 5:30 am I begin the process for my mastectomy. I have decided to write this post in two parts, before and after surgery. At the moment I am at peace with what is about to occur. For the past week I couldn't explain to anyone how I was feeling. I was completely numb. I know there a lot of people praying for me and I know this peace is the result of prayer. I'm not sure what to expect in the next couple of hours when I awake and my body is different. I do know however that whatever takes place God will give me the strength to get through it.
It is now 742 pm. Several hours have passed since I've had sugery. Once the anesthesia wore off I was good. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest. The doctor said the tumor was more than 5 cm, which was the size of her fist. The tumor had gotten so big that it was pushing into my muscle wall. The lymph nodes were as hard as rocks. This news explains why my boob was so heavy. So indeed the phrase "a weight has been lifted off my chest" was my reality.
I didn't know how I would respond to seeing my war wound for the first time. Being that I am a reality TV show fan, I figured it would be tomorrow before seeing it. Today I got my first look at my new body. Well it wasn't that bad. You see the Lord had prepared me for this day. My mama elected not to have reconstruction after her mastectomy 3 years ago. I have gotten use to seeing her with one boob. When they opened the sugery bra there it was the smaller version of my mom's chest. It didn't even bother me!
I have to thank the Lord for preparing me for this day. It's been a tough journey. However, just like with my hair loss, the worry and fear was part of not knowing what to expect. Once it happened the reality was not that bad.
As I continue my journey which still I have a long way to go, I'll continue to pray, remain hopeful, and believe in the Lord. I couldn't do it without Him!
I need to thank my husband, mama, Aunt Punkin, sister-cousin, Ashley, and besties, Kaye, Kiki, and Yogi for being here for me. I love you with all my heart!
#atoughcookiechronicles
#Godisgood
It is now 742 pm. Several hours have passed since I've had sugery. Once the anesthesia wore off I was good. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest. The doctor said the tumor was more than 5 cm, which was the size of her fist. The tumor had gotten so big that it was pushing into my muscle wall. The lymph nodes were as hard as rocks. This news explains why my boob was so heavy. So indeed the phrase "a weight has been lifted off my chest" was my reality.
I didn't know how I would respond to seeing my war wound for the first time. Being that I am a reality TV show fan, I figured it would be tomorrow before seeing it. Today I got my first look at my new body. Well it wasn't that bad. You see the Lord had prepared me for this day. My mama elected not to have reconstruction after her mastectomy 3 years ago. I have gotten use to seeing her with one boob. When they opened the sugery bra there it was the smaller version of my mom's chest. It didn't even bother me!
I have to thank the Lord for preparing me for this day. It's been a tough journey. However, just like with my hair loss, the worry and fear was part of not knowing what to expect. Once it happened the reality was not that bad.
As I continue my journey which still I have a long way to go, I'll continue to pray, remain hopeful, and believe in the Lord. I couldn't do it without Him!
I need to thank my husband, mama, Aunt Punkin, sister-cousin, Ashley, and besties, Kaye, Kiki, and Yogi for being here for me. I love you with all my heart!
#atoughcookiechronicles
#Godisgood
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Silence is Golden
Some time ago I was asked to give an account of my journey with breast cancer during Breast Cancer Awareness month at my alma mater, Baylor University. I happily accepted because I'm not one to turn down an opportunity to make a difference in someone's life. As the date got closer and closer I began to think about how I would tell my story. During this time we found out that my original tumors had grown and now several lymph nodes are involved. I grew concerned. My husband on the other hand is a take charge kind of guy. He had a plan. Of course, he faced a lot of resistance. LOL! I have been single most of my life. I knew what plan I wanted to follow. Well, my plan wasn't working. He finally convinced me to get on plane to go meet a doctor who would share with me how our bodies heal them selves naturally with the right food and nutrients. It was during this trip when I figured out how I would tell my story.
As we sat on the plane I drafted my speech in a note book. I couldn't wait to share with others what I had cleverly come up with. While tweaking the speech the week before I was to speak, I was asked to participate in an amazing photo shoot with one of Austin's elite photographers. Once Corey and I arrived to his studio, the photographer, Dewayne showed me his vision. I was too pumped. I was thinking to myself, "Let's do this!" The makeup artist, Mei Ling arrived and she worked her magic. I had been transformed. The Tough Cookie was now a Fierce Fighter. Dewayne gave me instructions through out the night and I hoped that I could give him the expressions that he was trying to convey. He shared some of the images with us and I was in awe. I couldn't wait to see the finished product. The next day, he posted his favorite image.
The picture was powerful. It showed how I felt on the inside. I was OVER this cancer thang. I just want it out. I have been giving it all I got and this thing is getting the best of me. I felt empowered. Days later the strength exhibited in this picture faded. I had received news regarding the passing of loved ones who are special to those I love. These two beautiful souls that have been called home belong to the grandmother of my mentee and one of my dearest friend's mom. These two women have fought the good fight against breast cancer for a long time. Now they have gone on, not having to fight any more.
The emotion I was feeling, I've experienced before. My mind was consumed with thoughts of "what if's". What if we can't get this under control? What if the date set for surgery is to far away? What if God has other plans? What if... I couldn't sleep. The enlarged tumor reminds me at night that it's there when I turn to lay on my left side. The emotional roller coaster that I have been on is at an all time low. I'm not sure what to say or think. I couldn't fake it any more.
As I showered this morning, I prayed, "Lord, I refuse to give up. I need you to touch this body and turn things around." Then I began to repeat over and over until I was convinced, "By your stripes, I am healed." When I got out of the shower, I felt better.
God knows what we need and when we need it. As the day went on I received confirmation that God heard my cry. He had provided the answers to the "What if's". I received two devotions that complemented each other. Below are the devotions:
Devotion 1
Everyone faces the storms of life. Sometimes we have the faith to be delivered from the storms instantly; sometimes we have the faith to walk through the storms. But no matter which route you take, you can be sure that God is right there with you. He will equip you and sustain you. He will give you the grace, the supernatural empowerment, to make it through.
Today, maybe you are facing a storm and can’t quite see a way out. Maybe you’re not sure what the answer is. All you have to do is take it one step at a time by saying, “God, I know You have a good plan for my future.” “God, I am doing better today than I was yesterday.” “God, I know You are leading and guiding me.” With every step you take, know that God is doing a work in your life. Know that He is with you, and He will comfort you. Keep moving forward. Keep taking those steps of faith and keep walking through the storm into the place of victory He has prepared for you!
Devotion 2
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow." Mary Anne Radmacher
Scripture: "Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently on the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14
The moral? Sometimes when we are our strongest in our silence and/or our willingness to keep going.
Today's Challenge: Keep laying down and getting up... that's courageous.
My husband sent me these words of encouragement, "Focus on your healing. It's coming!!!! You have to believe and have faith!!! Those tumors are not bigger than YOUR GOD!!!!"
I do serve a bigger God and though I may not know what the future holds for my life, I am sure that I have a future. I have decided to lean not to my own understanding and trust in the Lord. For the rest of this week, I choose to be silent and keep going!
As we sat on the plane I drafted my speech in a note book. I couldn't wait to share with others what I had cleverly come up with. While tweaking the speech the week before I was to speak, I was asked to participate in an amazing photo shoot with one of Austin's elite photographers. Once Corey and I arrived to his studio, the photographer, Dewayne showed me his vision. I was too pumped. I was thinking to myself, "Let's do this!" The makeup artist, Mei Ling arrived and she worked her magic. I had been transformed. The Tough Cookie was now a Fierce Fighter. Dewayne gave me instructions through out the night and I hoped that I could give him the expressions that he was trying to convey. He shared some of the images with us and I was in awe. I couldn't wait to see the finished product. The next day, he posted his favorite image.
The picture was powerful. It showed how I felt on the inside. I was OVER this cancer thang. I just want it out. I have been giving it all I got and this thing is getting the best of me. I felt empowered. Days later the strength exhibited in this picture faded. I had received news regarding the passing of loved ones who are special to those I love. These two beautiful souls that have been called home belong to the grandmother of my mentee and one of my dearest friend's mom. These two women have fought the good fight against breast cancer for a long time. Now they have gone on, not having to fight any more.
The emotion I was feeling, I've experienced before. My mind was consumed with thoughts of "what if's". What if we can't get this under control? What if the date set for surgery is to far away? What if God has other plans? What if... I couldn't sleep. The enlarged tumor reminds me at night that it's there when I turn to lay on my left side. The emotional roller coaster that I have been on is at an all time low. I'm not sure what to say or think. I couldn't fake it any more.
As I showered this morning, I prayed, "Lord, I refuse to give up. I need you to touch this body and turn things around." Then I began to repeat over and over until I was convinced, "By your stripes, I am healed." When I got out of the shower, I felt better.
God knows what we need and when we need it. As the day went on I received confirmation that God heard my cry. He had provided the answers to the "What if's". I received two devotions that complemented each other. Below are the devotions:
Devotion 1
Everyone faces the storms of life. Sometimes we have the faith to be delivered from the storms instantly; sometimes we have the faith to walk through the storms. But no matter which route you take, you can be sure that God is right there with you. He will equip you and sustain you. He will give you the grace, the supernatural empowerment, to make it through.
Today, maybe you are facing a storm and can’t quite see a way out. Maybe you’re not sure what the answer is. All you have to do is take it one step at a time by saying, “God, I know You have a good plan for my future.” “God, I am doing better today than I was yesterday.” “God, I know You are leading and guiding me.” With every step you take, know that God is doing a work in your life. Know that He is with you, and He will comfort you. Keep moving forward. Keep taking those steps of faith and keep walking through the storm into the place of victory He has prepared for you!
Devotion 2
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow." Mary Anne Radmacher
Scripture: "Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently on the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14
The moral? Sometimes when we are our strongest in our silence and/or our willingness to keep going.
Today's Challenge: Keep laying down and getting up... that's courageous.
My husband sent me these words of encouragement, "Focus on your healing. It's coming!!!! You have to believe and have faith!!! Those tumors are not bigger than YOUR GOD!!!!"
I do serve a bigger God and though I may not know what the future holds for my life, I am sure that I have a future. I have decided to lean not to my own understanding and trust in the Lord. For the rest of this week, I choose to be silent and keep going!
Friday, September 19, 2014
This Little Light of Mine
It's been almost a month since we learned that Plan B drugs weren't working. I'll admit that Monday, August 25th when I went in for the ultrasound I knew that something wasn't right. Unlike the previous ultrasound where I paid close attention to the screen and drew my on conclusions, I decided to lie there. Unfortunately, I could discern from the conversation between the two technicians that they saw some differences. I was not looking forward to hearing the results.
In a few days the results were in and they were not good. Like I had suspected the tumors had grown and there was a new tumor. Family and friends reached out to check on me and to find out the plan to move forward. For the first time, I shutdown. I needed time to process all that was going on. It becomes discouraging when nothing seems to be working. I've been receiving chemo since May. Of course, I'd like to see some progress. However, things seem to be getting worst. What's sad is that I'm not alone. I follow several other people's journeys who seem to be facing the same odds. Why do these things happen? Why us?
One morning I woke up to a text of pictures from my cousin who was celebrating the life of his dad, my uncle, who would have been 62 this month. I couldn't respond due to the pictures bringing back happy and sad memories. My uncle and I were diagnosed with cancer at the same time in 1992. He went through all the procedures that I would have to face before me. Despite what he was going through, he did it with a smile. The day before my procedures he would call and talk to me about what to expect. Most doctors were surprised by the strength I exhibited at 15 years old. My sweet uncle had taken the sting out of those procedures so I could face them with boldness. Unfortunately, my uncle's cancer would go into a brief remission then later claim his life. What my family didn't know is that for years I felt guilty and waited for my turn to die. I couldn't understand why God would take him and leave me. So, I lived in fear of dying until I graduated from college.
In my 20s I learned why God chose for me to live. I had been assigned to minister to his daughters. I found my purpose and life was great. Now as I'm in the midst of this journey for the second time. This time I'm not afraid of dying. I feel driven to live. But...
I have days where I question the reason for the journey and how do I honor God when I'm ready to ball up in a corner and sit there until something happens. I sometimes wonder how can I let my light shine, like my uncle, when I feel like I'm in a dark place? I don't feel like smiling or talking. I want to shut the world out and face this alone. Better yet, I don't want to do this at all.
In 1 Thessalonians 1:4, it states, "For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you." So, I know I've been chosen. What exactly does that mean and what does it require? God makes it plain, "in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers." (1 Thessalonians 1: 6-7)
The day that I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, was the day I chose to accept God's will for my life. I am to live this life to the fullest because His words says that, "I have come so that you may have life and have it in abundance. (John 10:10) I have the choice to face this thing from an optimistic or pessimistic view. I told you all before that I am driven to live. Living means looking at adversities from an optimistic view. When life deals you lemons make lemonade. To choose to live means never giving up and throwing in the towel. It means face your bad days like your good ones, it's simple, take one day at a time. Sometimes circumstance don't change overnight, know that if you get an opportunity to see another day, then there's another day for life to get better.
My uncle was and still is my guardian angel. Everything I've faced during this journey has left people amazed at how I've handled them. My uncle is still taking the sting out of things. I'm sure he's proud.
This little light of mine... Well, I let it shine as often as possible. Understand that the Lord is who illuminates my light. He's my power source. And even when I don't think it's shining it sometimes finds a way to shine.
#atoughcookiechronicles
#livinglifelikeit'sgolden
#ripunclerob
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
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In a few days the results were in and they were not good. Like I had suspected the tumors had grown and there was a new tumor. Family and friends reached out to check on me and to find out the plan to move forward. For the first time, I shutdown. I needed time to process all that was going on. It becomes discouraging when nothing seems to be working. I've been receiving chemo since May. Of course, I'd like to see some progress. However, things seem to be getting worst. What's sad is that I'm not alone. I follow several other people's journeys who seem to be facing the same odds. Why do these things happen? Why us?
One morning I woke up to a text of pictures from my cousin who was celebrating the life of his dad, my uncle, who would have been 62 this month. I couldn't respond due to the pictures bringing back happy and sad memories. My uncle and I were diagnosed with cancer at the same time in 1992. He went through all the procedures that I would have to face before me. Despite what he was going through, he did it with a smile. The day before my procedures he would call and talk to me about what to expect. Most doctors were surprised by the strength I exhibited at 15 years old. My sweet uncle had taken the sting out of those procedures so I could face them with boldness. Unfortunately, my uncle's cancer would go into a brief remission then later claim his life. What my family didn't know is that for years I felt guilty and waited for my turn to die. I couldn't understand why God would take him and leave me. So, I lived in fear of dying until I graduated from college.
In my 20s I learned why God chose for me to live. I had been assigned to minister to his daughters. I found my purpose and life was great. Now as I'm in the midst of this journey for the second time. This time I'm not afraid of dying. I feel driven to live. But...
I have days where I question the reason for the journey and how do I honor God when I'm ready to ball up in a corner and sit there until something happens. I sometimes wonder how can I let my light shine, like my uncle, when I feel like I'm in a dark place? I don't feel like smiling or talking. I want to shut the world out and face this alone. Better yet, I don't want to do this at all.
In 1 Thessalonians 1:4, it states, "For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you." So, I know I've been chosen. What exactly does that mean and what does it require? God makes it plain, "in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers." (1 Thessalonians 1: 6-7)
The day that I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, was the day I chose to accept God's will for my life. I am to live this life to the fullest because His words says that, "I have come so that you may have life and have it in abundance. (John 10:10) I have the choice to face this thing from an optimistic or pessimistic view. I told you all before that I am driven to live. Living means looking at adversities from an optimistic view. When life deals you lemons make lemonade. To choose to live means never giving up and throwing in the towel. It means face your bad days like your good ones, it's simple, take one day at a time. Sometimes circumstance don't change overnight, know that if you get an opportunity to see another day, then there's another day for life to get better.
My uncle was and still is my guardian angel. Everything I've faced during this journey has left people amazed at how I've handled them. My uncle is still taking the sting out of things. I'm sure he's proud.
This little light of mine... Well, I let it shine as often as possible. Understand that the Lord is who illuminates my light. He's my power source. And even when I don't think it's shining it sometimes finds a way to shine.
#atoughcookiechronicles
#livinglifelikeit'sgolden
#ripunclerob
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
I Promise
On this particular day, I wasn't feeling well and I was a bit overwhelmed with emotion. He had pulled me in for a bear hug and the tears began to stream. I couldn't contain myself any more. Over and over I kept saying, "I'm sorry." He was unsure of what was happening, puzzled by the apologies. I was feeling guilty about all that was taking place in our lives.
Our love journey is really a special one. I love to tell the story of how we became the Fords because the evidence of God is in the details. In February 2012, God had called home my aunt. During the week as my cousin, her son made arrangements for the funeral, I would check on him regularly just to make sure he was okay and to offer my help. While chatting one day he tells me that his homeboy asked about me. I'm thinking well this isn't a good time for ol' dude to be inquiring about my whereabouts. My cousin goes on to say that we have a lot in common and that he'd like to introduce me to him. Anyone that tried to set me up was given the disclaimer, "I'll meet this person. However, I'm not making any promises on what will come of us meeting."
So, yes of all places, I met my hubby for the first time after my aunt's funeral over BBQ. We attempted to exchange numbers, except his phone was in his car. He called me later that night, we exchanged a few words and decided we would chat the next day because he was working on his sermon. My friends knew I would never marry a preacher. I was okay maybe being a deaconess, but never a minister's wife. LOL!! I shared that with him and all he could do was laugh and offer to demote himself. LOL
The following evening we talked for hours getting to know each other. We were enjoying the conversation when out of the blue, he asked me to marry him. YUP! That's right, within 24 hours of knowing each other my husband asked me to marry him and I said YES!
Every little girl dreams of the day her prince charming will walk into her life, sweep her off her feet, and carry her into her fairy tale life. Considering the fact that I met my hubby and married late, that was my expectation. I thought the Lord would exempt us from trials and tribulations. Why? Well, I had done my part so I had thought. I worked hard for the Lord. I worked at church, at home, and in the community faithfully for years doing the "Lord's Work".
As newly weds we've been dealt several blows. Within a year and half of marriage it seems that life keeps getting harder and harder for us. What I know is that if I had married the wrong man these trying times would be that much harder. Earlier I told you that Lord was in the details, which you couldn't see because I gave you the Cliff Notes version of our love story.
Well 20 years ago you see we had met before. My hubby and I were in the wedding of the cousin that introduced us. They've been best friends since high school. What's funny is that we don't recall meeting each other. The day after our wedding, my cousin posted the pic from their wedding and there we were on opposite sides of the photo. We couldn't help but to laugh. I definitely wouldn't have given him the time of day back then. LOL!!!
Jeremiah 29:11 states, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This is Corey's favorite scripture. We know that our relationship with Christ is what helps us on those days when we feel like we're under life's thumb.
What the devil meant for evil God will turn it for our good. We find comfort in the book of Job. Job was chosen by the Lord to be tested. His wife told him to curse God and die. He was married to the wrong woman. My husband has been loving, supportive, encouraging, and there every step of the way. I knew I chose the right man when he kneeled beside the bed one night and prayed until we were convinced God had heard us. James 5:16 says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
So I dedicate this entry of my blog to my Adam, my Boaz, my Priest, Provider, Prophet, and Protector, my husband, Corey Ford. I PROMISE to be your faithful wife in sickness and health, for better and for worst, in joy and in sorrow. I PROMISE to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you as long as we both shall live". I PROMISE.
**Our wedding song, Jagged "Promise"**
#livingoutourvows
#whatGodjoinedletnooneseparate
#mark10:9
Our love journey is really a special one. I love to tell the story of how we became the Fords because the evidence of God is in the details. In February 2012, God had called home my aunt. During the week as my cousin, her son made arrangements for the funeral, I would check on him regularly just to make sure he was okay and to offer my help. While chatting one day he tells me that his homeboy asked about me. I'm thinking well this isn't a good time for ol' dude to be inquiring about my whereabouts. My cousin goes on to say that we have a lot in common and that he'd like to introduce me to him. Anyone that tried to set me up was given the disclaimer, "I'll meet this person. However, I'm not making any promises on what will come of us meeting."
So, yes of all places, I met my hubby for the first time after my aunt's funeral over BBQ. We attempted to exchange numbers, except his phone was in his car. He called me later that night, we exchanged a few words and decided we would chat the next day because he was working on his sermon. My friends knew I would never marry a preacher. I was okay maybe being a deaconess, but never a minister's wife. LOL!! I shared that with him and all he could do was laugh and offer to demote himself. LOL
The following evening we talked for hours getting to know each other. We were enjoying the conversation when out of the blue, he asked me to marry him. YUP! That's right, within 24 hours of knowing each other my husband asked me to marry him and I said YES!
Every little girl dreams of the day her prince charming will walk into her life, sweep her off her feet, and carry her into her fairy tale life. Considering the fact that I met my hubby and married late, that was my expectation. I thought the Lord would exempt us from trials and tribulations. Why? Well, I had done my part so I had thought. I worked hard for the Lord. I worked at church, at home, and in the community faithfully for years doing the "Lord's Work".
As newly weds we've been dealt several blows. Within a year and half of marriage it seems that life keeps getting harder and harder for us. What I know is that if I had married the wrong man these trying times would be that much harder. Earlier I told you that Lord was in the details, which you couldn't see because I gave you the Cliff Notes version of our love story.
Well 20 years ago you see we had met before. My hubby and I were in the wedding of the cousin that introduced us. They've been best friends since high school. What's funny is that we don't recall meeting each other. The day after our wedding, my cousin posted the pic from their wedding and there we were on opposite sides of the photo. We couldn't help but to laugh. I definitely wouldn't have given him the time of day back then. LOL!!!
Jeremiah 29:11 states, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This is Corey's favorite scripture. We know that our relationship with Christ is what helps us on those days when we feel like we're under life's thumb.
What the devil meant for evil God will turn it for our good. We find comfort in the book of Job. Job was chosen by the Lord to be tested. His wife told him to curse God and die. He was married to the wrong woman. My husband has been loving, supportive, encouraging, and there every step of the way. I knew I chose the right man when he kneeled beside the bed one night and prayed until we were convinced God had heard us. James 5:16 says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
So I dedicate this entry of my blog to my Adam, my Boaz, my Priest, Provider, Prophet, and Protector, my husband, Corey Ford. I PROMISE to be your faithful wife in sickness and health, for better and for worst, in joy and in sorrow. I PROMISE to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you as long as we both shall live". I PROMISE.
**Our wedding song, Jagged "Promise"**
#livingoutourvows
#whatGodjoinedletnooneseparate
#mark10:9
Thursday, July 31, 2014
When the Report is Not Good
Midway through the treatments the doctor wanted to see how the tumors were responding to the chemo, so he ordered an ultrasound. The day of the ultrasound, as I laid on the table, to a non-trained eye, I saw nothing. The comparison to what I saw during my first ultrasound was completely different. I left feeling optimistic and convinced that the tumors were dead. We left the ultrasound and celebrated the idea that we were on the right track.
I was looking forward to my doctor sharing with us the good news on the day of my 4th treatment. I even thought he would simply say, "You're healed, no more treatments for you!" He opened the report and the look on his face was not a happy expression. He informed us that this was the first time he looked at the report. In a state of shock he tells us that the tumors have grown. In my mind I was thinking this couldn't be true. Then my thoughts were overtaken by the fact that I had to stay strong for my husband and our youngest daughter. I quickly tucked my feelings into my sleeve.
The doctor decides to change his strategy. "We will move forward with surgery", he says. "Let's get that thing out." I nod and agree, still in a state of disbelief. He orders that I go forward with round 4 and that I would take a month off from chemo then proceed with surgery. I agree. We leave his office and as I head for the infusion room the tears began to form. It's challenging to receive bad news then put on a brave face in front of others to hide the hurt. I've learned to mask my feelings over time. Most often, no one can really tell when I'm hurting, upset, or feeling some kind of way. Well, my mama and my husband can.
As I sat in the infusion room and I began to share the news with my family, a few tears fell. Then I heard the bell ring. One of my fellow cancer family members had finished chemo. It was a moment to celebrate despite the news I had received. I made it through treatment and turned down for a few days. I had buried the pain for the moment.
A week passes and I'm in a better mood. Corey and I have decided that we are going into constant prayer for my healing. I had made up my mind that I would not believe the report. I've decided that I am going to continue to believe that I am healed and that God has changed the path that I had to take to make this a reality. One night after we prayed I was sitting in bed and the emotions that I thought I had buried deep within surfaced. I cried uncontrollably for an extended period of time. I couldn't turn the tears off. However, once I was done I felt better. I had purged. Tears are therapeutic. I always feel better after a good cry.
At the beginning of the next week we met with the surgeon. He discussed my options and I had an idea of what I wanted to do. He then examines me. As he ran his hand under my arm, the tumor which he couldn't feel in April was now large enough for him to feel. My heart was broken. I left his office overwhelmed and disappointed.
What do you do when the report is not good? You must take your concerns, questions, and emotions to the Lord in prayer. God will answer your prayers. He will give you the strength to endure. You must muster up enough energy to take it to Him and leave it with Him. People always say, "Let go and let God". This is easier said then done. However, when you decide to trust Him even when the report is not good that's when you'll find your peace.
Despite all that I'm going through God's has sent His Word and His chosen vessels to share the good news. I've got the peace that surpasses all understanding only because I believe His Word more than I believe the doctor's report. No tumor is too big for my God! I had in my mind the plan that I thought God would follow to lead me to my healing. When that plan ended up not working I was disappointed. When the doctor said he had a new plan, I agreed to it without hesitation. I have to believe that the Lord is working through Him to get me healed.
God had sent me a Word the day before I had to meet with the surgeon. Psalm 84:6 says, "As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools." (NIV).
When I researched Psalm 84:6, I found a sermon that gave me more insight into the verse. The sermon by Darren Rogers states that this valley also known as the Valley of Weeping is used as a thoroughfare. It's a temporary place to take you from one place to the next. He claims that there is no way around the valley that you have to travel through it. Life will always have ups and downs. It's how you decide to handle the downs that will either help you or hurt you as you deal with life's challenges.
I can't help but to look up while I'm in the valley. I know that I am not alone while I'm here. I know that God's Word says that He will never leave us, nor forsake us. It also says that when I am weak, He is strong. I know that ALL things work together for my good and for His glory. I know that I'm coming out of this victoriously. As I chatted with a beautiful church member of mine on Monday, who has taken this journey, she said to me, "Oh no honey, I don't tell people that I am a breast cancer survivor, I tell people I conquered cancer because God's Word says that we are more than conquerors."
Despite what has taken place over the past two weeks, I see myself in the near future. What do I see? I see a conqueror!!!
#atoughcookiecontinuestofight
#don'tbelievethereportbelievetheLord
#morethanaconqueror
For Darren Rogers sermon, go to: http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/04-the-valley-of-weeping-darren-rogers-sermon-on-prayer-general-132651.asp
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.
The doctor decides to change his strategy. "We will move forward with surgery", he says. "Let's get that thing out." I nod and agree, still in a state of disbelief. He orders that I go forward with round 4 and that I would take a month off from chemo then proceed with surgery. I agree. We leave his office and as I head for the infusion room the tears began to form. It's challenging to receive bad news then put on a brave face in front of others to hide the hurt. I've learned to mask my feelings over time. Most often, no one can really tell when I'm hurting, upset, or feeling some kind of way. Well, my mama and my husband can.
As I sat in the infusion room and I began to share the news with my family, a few tears fell. Then I heard the bell ring. One of my fellow cancer family members had finished chemo. It was a moment to celebrate despite the news I had received. I made it through treatment and turned down for a few days. I had buried the pain for the moment.
A week passes and I'm in a better mood. Corey and I have decided that we are going into constant prayer for my healing. I had made up my mind that I would not believe the report. I've decided that I am going to continue to believe that I am healed and that God has changed the path that I had to take to make this a reality. One night after we prayed I was sitting in bed and the emotions that I thought I had buried deep within surfaced. I cried uncontrollably for an extended period of time. I couldn't turn the tears off. However, once I was done I felt better. I had purged. Tears are therapeutic. I always feel better after a good cry.
At the beginning of the next week we met with the surgeon. He discussed my options and I had an idea of what I wanted to do. He then examines me. As he ran his hand under my arm, the tumor which he couldn't feel in April was now large enough for him to feel. My heart was broken. I left his office overwhelmed and disappointed.
What do you do when the report is not good? You must take your concerns, questions, and emotions to the Lord in prayer. God will answer your prayers. He will give you the strength to endure. You must muster up enough energy to take it to Him and leave it with Him. People always say, "Let go and let God". This is easier said then done. However, when you decide to trust Him even when the report is not good that's when you'll find your peace.
Despite all that I'm going through God's has sent His Word and His chosen vessels to share the good news. I've got the peace that surpasses all understanding only because I believe His Word more than I believe the doctor's report. No tumor is too big for my God! I had in my mind the plan that I thought God would follow to lead me to my healing. When that plan ended up not working I was disappointed. When the doctor said he had a new plan, I agreed to it without hesitation. I have to believe that the Lord is working through Him to get me healed.
God had sent me a Word the day before I had to meet with the surgeon. Psalm 84:6 says, "As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools." (NIV).
When I researched Psalm 84:6, I found a sermon that gave me more insight into the verse. The sermon by Darren Rogers states that this valley also known as the Valley of Weeping is used as a thoroughfare. It's a temporary place to take you from one place to the next. He claims that there is no way around the valley that you have to travel through it. Life will always have ups and downs. It's how you decide to handle the downs that will either help you or hurt you as you deal with life's challenges.
I can't help but to look up while I'm in the valley. I know that I am not alone while I'm here. I know that God's Word says that He will never leave us, nor forsake us. It also says that when I am weak, He is strong. I know that ALL things work together for my good and for His glory. I know that I'm coming out of this victoriously. As I chatted with a beautiful church member of mine on Monday, who has taken this journey, she said to me, "Oh no honey, I don't tell people that I am a breast cancer survivor, I tell people I conquered cancer because God's Word says that we are more than conquerors."
Despite what has taken place over the past two weeks, I see myself in the near future. What do I see? I see a conqueror!!!
#atoughcookiecontinuestofight
#don'tbelievethereportbelievetheLord
#morethanaconqueror
For Darren Rogers sermon, go to: http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/04-the-valley-of-weeping-darren-rogers-sermon-on-prayer-general-132651.asp
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
I'm a Survivor!
I'm convinced that I was set up on last Wednesday. I was relaxing on the couch when a Facebook alert from my phone revealed that my favorite Zumba instructor was making her class a celebration for myself and another tough cookie. I was excited! This was going to be a party y'all.
There's two things I LOVE to do, shop and dance. After deciding to truly live for Christ I gave up going to the clubs. When Zumba came along the void for dancing weekly was filled. And who could complain I was getting my groove on 4 days a week, and as a result I was looking great.
We had a Pink Party to attend! What I found interesting is that I had nothing pink in my closet. AWWWWWH! LOL! As a Junior Mission member and vice president at St James Missionary Baptist, I wore pink and green in Jesus name for several years. I guess the Lord has a since of humor. After I passed the towel to my successor I promptly scrubbed my closet. Lol!
Fast forward to last week and I had nothing to wear. I thank my beautiful sorority sisters for turning the traditionally pink breast cancer experience red for me. Ha! Anyways... After a search for the right pink shirt and an attempt at a DIY project I ended up rocking my #TeamToughCookie tank, which I LOVE!
The hubz, our youngest daughter, and I arrive and I'm in the zone. You see I'm a Z-beast. I leave it all on the floor. I had my mind made up, I'm going in here to give it my all. The party was underway when we arrived. As soon as I was spotted, the next song would be my favorite. I made it through the song. It wasn't my 100% but I gave it what I had.
A few more songs played and I strategically picked the ones that wouldn't take all my breath. Then I heard the beat. The other tough cookies' song was Survivor by Destiny's Child. I thought to myself I'm going to let this song have it. As the first verse played I was giving it my all then as the chorus started with each line we punched the air, up up, side side, down down. The second verse played and then the chorus. This time something was different. As I began to through the punches, the action of punching and the lyrics settled in my spirit.
I'm a survivor
I'm not gon' give up
I'm not gon' stop
I'm gon' work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin'
I was overcome by emotion. I ran to the bathroom which was on the other side of the studio. The song was coming through walls. The song reminded me that I'm fighting for my life. This was real. I realized that after each treatment I choose to survive! When you don't feel well, your spirit gets low, and your mind can send you on a mental roller coaster ride. Life can have you feeling some kind of way about things. I'm just keeping it real!
I managed to get myself together and head back into the studio. I enjoyed watching the class and grooved a little because my body physically wasn't able to do what I wanted. I truly enjoyed the Pink Party. I had a blast.
Later that evening my little god-sister, Danielle sent me a devotion that confirmed today's survivor experience was a set up. The devotion scripture was 2 Corinthians 12:8-9.
8 I asked the Lord three times to take it away from me. 9 He answered me, “I am all you need. I give you My loving-favor. My power works best in weak people.” I am happy to be weak and have troubles so I can have Christ’s power in me. (NLV)
This scripture says that there is power in being weak. When I feel tired, disappointed, frustrated, mad, and just plain sick of being sick God says, "I'm all you need." When I don't have the fight in me God says, "I'm all you need."
What is God's purpose for this journey? I don't truly know. What I do know is that when He speaks it's best to listen. Tonight He clearly stated that to me that during this journey, He's ALL I need and that I'm a Survivor!
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
#I'maSurvivor!
#TeamToughCookie
#AToughCookieChronicles
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.
There's two things I LOVE to do, shop and dance. After deciding to truly live for Christ I gave up going to the clubs. When Zumba came along the void for dancing weekly was filled. And who could complain I was getting my groove on 4 days a week, and as a result I was looking great.
We had a Pink Party to attend! What I found interesting is that I had nothing pink in my closet. AWWWWWH! LOL! As a Junior Mission member and vice president at St James Missionary Baptist, I wore pink and green in Jesus name for several years. I guess the Lord has a since of humor. After I passed the towel to my successor I promptly scrubbed my closet. Lol!
Fast forward to last week and I had nothing to wear. I thank my beautiful sorority sisters for turning the traditionally pink breast cancer experience red for me. Ha! Anyways... After a search for the right pink shirt and an attempt at a DIY project I ended up rocking my #TeamToughCookie tank, which I LOVE!
The hubz, our youngest daughter, and I arrive and I'm in the zone. You see I'm a Z-beast. I leave it all on the floor. I had my mind made up, I'm going in here to give it my all. The party was underway when we arrived. As soon as I was spotted, the next song would be my favorite. I made it through the song. It wasn't my 100% but I gave it what I had.
A few more songs played and I strategically picked the ones that wouldn't take all my breath. Then I heard the beat. The other tough cookies' song was Survivor by Destiny's Child. I thought to myself I'm going to let this song have it. As the first verse played I was giving it my all then as the chorus started with each line we punched the air, up up, side side, down down. The second verse played and then the chorus. This time something was different. As I began to through the punches, the action of punching and the lyrics settled in my spirit.
I'm a survivor
I'm not gon' give up
I'm not gon' stop
I'm gon' work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin'
I was overcome by emotion. I ran to the bathroom which was on the other side of the studio. The song was coming through walls. The song reminded me that I'm fighting for my life. This was real. I realized that after each treatment I choose to survive! When you don't feel well, your spirit gets low, and your mind can send you on a mental roller coaster ride. Life can have you feeling some kind of way about things. I'm just keeping it real!
I managed to get myself together and head back into the studio. I enjoyed watching the class and grooved a little because my body physically wasn't able to do what I wanted. I truly enjoyed the Pink Party. I had a blast.
Later that evening my little god-sister, Danielle sent me a devotion that confirmed today's survivor experience was a set up. The devotion scripture was 2 Corinthians 12:8-9.
8 I asked the Lord three times to take it away from me. 9 He answered me, “I am all you need. I give you My loving-favor. My power works best in weak people.” I am happy to be weak and have troubles so I can have Christ’s power in me. (NLV)
This scripture says that there is power in being weak. When I feel tired, disappointed, frustrated, mad, and just plain sick of being sick God says, "I'm all you need." When I don't have the fight in me God says, "I'm all you need."
What is God's purpose for this journey? I don't truly know. What I do know is that when He speaks it's best to listen. Tonight He clearly stated that to me that during this journey, He's ALL I need and that I'm a Survivor!
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email at atoughcookiechronicles@gmail.com.
#I'maSurvivor!
#TeamToughCookie
#AToughCookieChronicles
To subscribe to the blog:
Go to blogger.com.
Sign in and click Add.
You will start to receive emails.
To order a #TeamToughCookie button, go to https://www.etsy.com/transaction/204989427.